Dear God, just be very present within my house, among my children and in my marriage today. Thank you for knowing what words can not define in my heart. Amen.

Do you remember?

for me, a flash of the past and my first moment of "the good ole' days" came while watching my daughter.

I remember being able to connect with the ball, like knowing exactly where it was planning to go and being there to control it. It was like, at times, I was just in motion- not thinking just reacting like the cheesy saying, "be the ball". I remember the freedom and the glory of playing the game. My mind reminds me of the moments where life stopped and total abandon set in. I was a warrior in a battle and fought with all I had and in the end whether victory or defeat came to me, I knew I had given it all and was a champion regardless of worldly results. To me, the game was bigger than life and was where I drew my strength and where I could always let go and be me without holding back. I think the thing I miss the most is the sheer freedom without judgement. Or maybe for me, on the field is the only place I felt "myself".

what 8-16-08 (unfinished)

what do you do when it all weights too much? How do you turn advice and cliches into daily steps to manage the burdens that sometimes absorb all life? It's been so long since I have wanted to share my thoughts because it hurts too much to know I, again, was broken. I know the short version... I took my eyes off the Lord and decided to go at life alone. The much longer version is a kind of adventure where I grew some, shut out the world some, wrapped myself up in denial some and stepped out some. I am realizing that, as I have been on many journeys, this journey was one of age and the reality of those life events you can't dodge no matter how far you go to be a shut in. And even then, you still can't get around the pain and triumph that comes with sharing and building a family.