Is there a moment of spiritual awakening in the midst of addiction that can instantly infuse a wisdom or a knowledge that changes a person to the point of the healing of addiction?
My story
Without a bunch of obvious needless detail, I spent my years from 13 to 16 deep into the chaotic world of addiction. My thinking was to dull the pain and thus the vicious cycle of guilt begins (pain-drugs-guilt/self hate-more drugs and repeat..) I just did not care one way or another, I mean I wasn't trying to kill myself I just didn't care, what happened to me. I thought I was fearless when indeed, I was in fear of everything. I was scared to live and I was scared to die. I had no hope.
In December of my 16th year, my parents had just about had enough and sent me to rehab. I remember thinking, "whew, now I can finally stop". I know without a doubt that I would be dead if that decision was not made at that time. I learned so much in that 12 months. I learned about responsibility, self respect, respecting others, how to be a healthy functioning friend/family member and I learned to care about someone beside my self.. However, when I was released from rehab I relapsed (many times). I went to boarding school and still continued to use drugs through college. I knew everything I needed to, I knew why I was using, I knew my support systems were available and I knew what I was doing but, even in all of the love and education I had while I was in rehab, I still had no hope.
Fast forward, I am married I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband. In fact, I say wonderful husband because God used him to save my life. I am working as a waitress/bartender, we are going to church - I am actually saved-but, I still don't have hope, my heart is not changed. (I am going to say this because I don't know the answer) some would say that I was not saved based on my last statement however, I had no doubt whatsoever that there was a God and that Jesus was real...I just didn't believe he would have died for me.
Ok, one night about 2am I was driving home after sitting at the bar for an hour after we closed with all my co-workers. I was on a two lane, unlit, curvy road and BOOM! I hit the curb and blew two of my tires. I stopped the car on a curve, which was horribly dangerous but, I wasn't really thinking about that. I get out cussing up a storm and start preparing to change a tire when I just stopped. I heard something in all the fog that caught my attention. What I heard was a voice, He said, "how long? How long do I have to watch you self destruct like this?"
The voice was as so sad, it was as sad as I felt. I honestly did not think there was anyone or anything that could know the vast emptiness that harbored all of my pain. He said "choose. Choose now...life or death."
For the first time in my life, I wanted to live! Live, live I want to LIVE. In that instant my heart was changed forever. I have never had any doubt that my experience on that road was real.
When you hear that God will meet you where you are...they are not kidding. I was literally standing in a street gutter, drunk, crying and cursing. Can you imagine? The grace of our Almighty God came and occupied that gutter to retrieve his child, I still can hardly take it in.
Now, after this experience it all began to come together; the rehab knowledge, Gods love and hope intertwined and I became stronger. For me, there was a moment of awakening, although it didn't all come full circle in that moment, my heart was finally full circle.
I had a lot of work to do I was still very broken but God was binding up my broken heart and wow! just WOW, I am daily amazed at the work He has, is and will continue to do in my heart.
So, I am gonna say yes, I believe with all my heart that there can be a moment that instantly strikes us with the hope that drives us towards God and in that towards healing. Will it look the same in each one of us? No, but the facts are the same He is the only healer of the soul!
My story
Without a bunch of obvious needless detail, I spent my years from 13 to 16 deep into the chaotic world of addiction. My thinking was to dull the pain and thus the vicious cycle of guilt begins (pain-drugs-guilt/self hate-more drugs and repeat..) I just did not care one way or another, I mean I wasn't trying to kill myself I just didn't care, what happened to me. I thought I was fearless when indeed, I was in fear of everything. I was scared to live and I was scared to die. I had no hope.
In December of my 16th year, my parents had just about had enough and sent me to rehab. I remember thinking, "whew, now I can finally stop". I know without a doubt that I would be dead if that decision was not made at that time. I learned so much in that 12 months. I learned about responsibility, self respect, respecting others, how to be a healthy functioning friend/family member and I learned to care about someone beside my self.. However, when I was released from rehab I relapsed (many times). I went to boarding school and still continued to use drugs through college. I knew everything I needed to, I knew why I was using, I knew my support systems were available and I knew what I was doing but, even in all of the love and education I had while I was in rehab, I still had no hope.
Fast forward, I am married I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband. In fact, I say wonderful husband because God used him to save my life. I am working as a waitress/bartender, we are going to church - I am actually saved-but, I still don't have hope, my heart is not changed. (I am going to say this because I don't know the answer) some would say that I was not saved based on my last statement however, I had no doubt whatsoever that there was a God and that Jesus was real...I just didn't believe he would have died for me.
Ok, one night about 2am I was driving home after sitting at the bar for an hour after we closed with all my co-workers. I was on a two lane, unlit, curvy road and BOOM! I hit the curb and blew two of my tires. I stopped the car on a curve, which was horribly dangerous but, I wasn't really thinking about that. I get out cussing up a storm and start preparing to change a tire when I just stopped. I heard something in all the fog that caught my attention. What I heard was a voice, He said, "how long? How long do I have to watch you self destruct like this?"
The voice was as so sad, it was as sad as I felt. I honestly did not think there was anyone or anything that could know the vast emptiness that harbored all of my pain. He said "choose. Choose now...life or death."
For the first time in my life, I wanted to live! Live, live I want to LIVE. In that instant my heart was changed forever. I have never had any doubt that my experience on that road was real.
When you hear that God will meet you where you are...they are not kidding. I was literally standing in a street gutter, drunk, crying and cursing. Can you imagine? The grace of our Almighty God came and occupied that gutter to retrieve his child, I still can hardly take it in.
Now, after this experience it all began to come together; the rehab knowledge, Gods love and hope intertwined and I became stronger. For me, there was a moment of awakening, although it didn't all come full circle in that moment, my heart was finally full circle.
I had a lot of work to do I was still very broken but God was binding up my broken heart and wow! just WOW, I am daily amazed at the work He has, is and will continue to do in my heart.
So, I am gonna say yes, I believe with all my heart that there can be a moment that instantly strikes us with the hope that drives us towards God and in that towards healing. Will it look the same in each one of us? No, but the facts are the same He is the only healer of the soul!
