Well, what a loaded question... that is exactly the thing I have been sorting through for the last few months. God has revealed so much goodness over the last year or so as well as some areas of disobedience, blindness and rebellion. He is teaching me to be silent more often. In this, I am seeing more clearly that I can not make decisions for anyone else or try to make them see it my way. I hate to say that I have had a touch of arrogance to think anyone should see anything My way... Instead If I am seeing it God's way I have no pressure, no worries because then I am where I am supposed to be and not dragging anyone down with me when I see MY way is better than God's way..
I am understanding more about lifestyle evangelism and the entirety of that saying. My responsibility is to be God focused, God lead and God fearing. If I am doing this, then I am fulfilling my purpose as God's child.
Sounds like I am getting it pulled together doesn't it? NOPE! I struggle each day to give God the bare minimum of me and some days I fail at that. I could live ashamed but I know that in my heart something is turning and changing. I don't know when it won't be a constant struggle for me to give God my whole days and for him to become my true everything, all the time, no matter what. What I do know is that my goal and my hearts desire is to know him and honor him more.
I am learning discipline and I see how I used to think it was OK that I didn't have it... I usually got me responsibilities done. God is showing me that discipline is something more it is a commitment to follow Him in all things not just what I pick and choose upon how I feel at the time. I don't know if this make a lot of sense to you that may see this but, to me, it is another blind spot being wiped clean to begin to see clearly some truth not there before.
As, for specifically what am I learning from my burden for the inner city? That I don't listen to God's urging nearly enough. That I still feel totally unworthy and ill-equipped to minister to anyone especially those who have already been hurt for a lifetime and struggle daily to survive. However, I do know that I am very well equipped to tell of who saved me from not only a sure physical death at a young age but picked me up and gave me hope. I guess if anyone would ask me what changed that night on that dark road where, for me, life and death came to a crossroads and I had to choose... it was hope (which is something I had learned not to have in anything). Standing there in my pit of mire I felt a glimpse of hope in that voice that called to me and I had to choose hope, I had to see if this was it or if there was more. So in writing this I am learning that I am as well equipped as anyone, because I have a God that took this loveless, hopeless, empty shell and filled it with everything that He planned and knit in me. He showed me that in the mire there was a treasure and it would prove to stay in the test of time... Where did the pit and the mire go? Unfortunately, not far enough for me not to fall into every now and then (sometimes I jump in) but now I have hope to give me a hand out and that's everything to me.
