Moment of impact

Life is ear marked with moments of impact. Moments that for good or for bad change and imprint on our DNA, sewn into the very fibers that knit us together. Being a mother there are now three moments of impact that I know....I boldly called out to God and He answered me with a compassion that I know only He could have.

The first Moment of impact, A normal day with an 11 year old, a seven year old and a 3 month old. It was summer and although I could not play outside my two oldest had ventured out with a bike our Golden Max and wild laughter. Honestly, I was grateful for the few minutes of peace that would soon be upon me. Eli was asleep in his chair and I was talking to my husband on the phone at work because frankly, I needed some adult conversation. In mid conversation, the door swung open and my 7 year old daughter ran in and screamed, He's dead! Mom, I think Zachary is dead! She was close to hysterics and me feeling the full moment of impact, I took a breath, dropped the phone and said, Cassie, you watch Eli and STAY HERE!
I ran outside to the highest point overlooking the neighborhood and yelled, Zachary!...there was no answer just a deafening silence and in what seemed like minutes, God and I had a conversation where He listened and I poured out...I went to His feet and sobbed..."God, I can't go on from here if you allow this, I know you don't give us more than we can handle but, I won't"....in that moment I was a little more horrified at my words...my faith had a limit. I was desperate. I yelled again...Zachary! ... this time with desperation and trying to be audible between weeps...Then after a long pause, I heard him! It was a faint, "I'm here" and in that moment, I knew that I had called and God heard me.  Although, I am ashamed of my weakness, He heard the cries of my breaking heart and had compassion on me.

Zach had been riding the bike and had the leash wrapped around the handlebars walking Max and was paying more attention to Max than where he was going. He didn't see the gardening trailer in his path and collided with it. He had hit it full force and was knocked out cold unconscious. By all means that impact could have been a fatal blow but, only by God's ever-loving grace was he basically unscathed. He even played in a football game just days later.

The next two are yet to come....

You need to hear this

What if we never got to witness the awe-inspiring feats of he human spirit. What if no one ever listened to that small voice inside that says, "yes, you were created for this".  What if we all lived out of our fear? Can you imagine what the world would be like? We would never be in awe, amazed nor inspired by what wonderful gifts and talents people have because no one would be using them to futher the kingdom of God.

There is a song and a few of the words say, "...all I know is I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong..." (btw: building429's song)

I love this song because I know there is a place where I am meant to be that is much bigger than this small broken world. At times, I can't wait to see what is on the other side and then at other times I kinda wanna stick around and see what happens in the lives of my loved ones here...Do not misunderstand me, I am not going anywhere on my own. God is going to call me home in His time and that is just fine with me.

What I am talking about is that deep down giddy, excitement...uhm, a joyfiul knowledge (trying to find words to describe it) that there is more to life than what I am living now. I know that I have a God-breathed purpose and I am here to be used by God to help make heaven a very crowded place....However, I can also look ahead and be excited for the "more" in the hereafter.

We have the opportunity to witness glimpses of what (I think) is going to be everyday in heaven, in the awe inspiring, bold, steadfastness of God's people living out God's design in their life right here on this earth. I want to walk in that in my life. I need to do what I was created to do otherwise I am unfullfilled and searching. My gift? I think that it is communication. I love to share, listen and walk together with people. Am I perfect? will I fail and dissappoint? Yes, however I am not supposed to be perfect, I am supposed to stretch and grow up with all those I encounter (not age wise God wise), that is my job as I know it.

So when I get sad, or beaten down I remember that I am not just here waiting, a mistake or a product of my environment. I am a chosen child of God that was individually knit together for a purpose bigger than just me. I remember the words to that song and I smile. I don't know more than anybody else, I have a job here and I am happy with the wonderful life God has led me to, I am beyond blessed. However, I know that there is even more that awaits me!