El-Shaddai -- The God Who is Sufficient for the Needs of His People!

El-Shaddai -- The God Who is Sufficient for the Needs of His People! Sufficient, meaning: Being as much as is needed. So, God provides exactly what we need, when we need it and how we can receive it. How wonderful is a Father that knows and cares about every intimate detail of our life?

For a long time I thought that God was responsible for my pain. I placed blame on everyone and I felt like since I hurt so bad, I was owed something... I was "due" anything because I endured the constant pain that I did.

Was my pain real? An emphatic Yes! Was God the one who placed it on me? No, I do believe that spiritual growth is accomplished through the struggles and pain that come along with some of life lessons and submission. However, in my case... I was responsible for a great deal of my own pain from my own decisions. I had some things that were naturally against me like; being adopted, adopted again, a volatile home, a mentally ill sibling, abuse and divorce. What most of this stuff said to my heart was: you are unloveable. So I became unloveable, I was bitter, angry and I resented anything pure and good because I did not feel pure or good - I didn't understand it nor did I think that I was capable of it.

How did I answer the lie that I was unloveable... Besides fulfilling that prophecy, I began using mind numbing drugs, seeking attention form guys, being the "badest" girl that I could and living for hurting those that I felt had wronged me. When I look back I almost laugh, I see it now, God drew a line and I never crossed it, not of my own will but His. I had already crossed every line drawn before me but, this one I didn't see nor could I comprehend.

What made me different than the girl who overdosed in 10th grade or the many kids that went to jail, lost their future or did something that they could never undo to themselves or someone else... What's the difference? I don't understand it but it's love. Does God love me more than those others? No, so what is it?

When people say I live because He lives... I KNOW that, not only as fact but, also as God's truth. If it were not for God seeing something in me, knowing that one day I would be used by Him or caring enough to never give up on me.. I would not only be physically dead, I would be lost forever.

Not too long ago, I told my husband that something in me was broken and I couldn't do anything else.. I could not change. I was unable to help myself or save my marriage because I believed this lie. I thought that if anything, anything else came out and I had to speak it, re-live it or talk about it, that I would permanently lose my mind, I would just shut off. I really thought that if I let go and just pulled out the junk, I would be unable to function forever, I would be too broken to fix.

Can you believe that lie? Do not be fooled, satan is just waiting to tell you the mother of all lies and he's good, it will be one that pierces your heart and feels like truth. Maybe you already have some lies in your heart... I am unloveable, I am ugly, too stupid, too fat, too broken? Take a moment and just ask God if there is a lie that needs to be uncovered in your heart. This process was one of the hardest things I ever had to do because I really believed that I was too broken and I would never be able to hold it all together.

Guess what? El-Shaddai -- The God Who is Sufficient for the Needs of His People, SHOWED UP! Little by little with the help of many different people God began to reveal to me that I was not too broken and that I was deceived. He began to shed some light on who He was and how much His love changed everything for me. I began to talk about my hurts, my habits and my (many) hangups. It wasn't easy, in fact it was pretty ugly and at times still is but, I began to see that there really was more to me than my pain. Having hope that there is an end to the pain was what I needed to spark my curiosity. People say that believing in God, accepting Jesus is the end to life... it's''s been an adventure like none I have ever seen or heard of for me. It has been more than just my life, it's a mosaic of: every sister and brother that has called me friend, my family, every class, teacher, every person who has encouraged me, every hand that was extended, every single person that God provided for me to help me heal. God never failed to provide what I needed, when I needed it and how I could receive it. He is faithful!

Is my healing over? Nope, but the difference is that I know who He is better and I trust Him. I know that I have a god-given purpose and those things that broke me... They are now some of my strongest areas of belief. I don't just believe in God, that might be boring but, believing him... Now, that's the journey! He is El-Shaddai: Sufficient for the Needs of His children!

Why do I write stuff like this? Because what God whispered to me in my darkness, I can't do anything but shout from the roof tops. This is my roof top.

All praise and glory unto you God, for you are worthy!