Wow, what a time I have had... ever been so raw with emotion yet too numb to care? I keep telling myself that I am okay and that this too, is a season. I am loved, do love and definitely know from whom all life flows. Yet, here I am again. Stuck or really... better yet, unwilling to do what I know God wants of me.
Gosh, after all I have come through you'd think I would be asking "how high" when I heard my Father in heaven say jump. Sadly, in my reality today... I am unwilling. What does that mean that I hear Him clearly and still, my answer is no? Yes, I can hear you... I am asking for it, I know. I also know what God is able and very willing to do to get me where He wants me.
Pruning me? Well, ,maybe this is a time of stretching, growing and change. I don't know yet but I do know that I can worship, pray and be still yet, I am still unwilling to surrender all of me. Does that make me like Cain? Are my offerings tainted because of my fear, unwillingness, and disobedience? Or is this too a lesson to be learned from?
I don't doubt my father's unchanging love for me or my worth but I am beginning to doubt my heart. Am I or have I ever been able to completely surrender my everything... all my "stuff" fears, hurt, anger and rebellion?
When do we know when it's all gone, that our heart is completely unoccupied by anything else but God's love, grace and mercy?
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