my not so secret sin

well, my slump was self-induced and now is confession time for me. I have been in a virtual pit for many weeks. I knew from where it was coming but I was unwilling to stop what I was doing, confess and repent.
I don't know if anyone remembers my January blog entry "temptation and the not so secret sin" but, that was the beginning for me. My not so secret sin is overspending and then hiding it. It is truely an addiction for me and one unlike the addiction I fought with drugs and alcohol. This sin has had a consistant hold on me and is so embarassing to admit because of my past.
I am confessing this to you because it is important to me that other people understand that no matter what your addiction, habit or hang-up is... you are promised that if you endure and hold tight to the word of God, He is bigger than anything you will ever face. I didn't believe God. I was decieved for a long time, in that, because I "know", seek and pursue a relationship with God that I had everything I needed to have victory over my sin. Now, I also want you to know that God is capable of healing, lifting or just erasing any addiction, He is the foundation to all healing. However, sometimes I think He leads us to explore our addiction to learn more about who He is and how He can deliver us from our enemies, if we allow Him to. So, my deception was that I started to believe that I was powerless, it wasn't a big deal and that I had all of the knowledge but I was defective. I believed that here was something in my being that was broken... what a lie, a cop-out and light shattering truth I had tatooed on my heart.
This sin continued to grow and spread into all other areas of my life and was literally destroying me one day at a time. Still, I did not stop. I indirectly asked for help but in ways that no one could know what I was saying to them. I was completely enslaved to my sin, I was lying and cheating it was just ugly sin. I actually was choosing the pit, purchase after purchase, all the while knowing that my number would soon be up.
How can I do such a thing to anyone much less my beloved husband? I have struggled with trust issues and He had worked so hard to help me but now I see, I am not trustworthy so how could I possibily trust someone else?
I am just at the beginning of working all this out, I am seeking help and have totally confessed to my husband (after he found out enough to get me started).
I felt like I needed to confess to you too, because someone out there knows very well where I am coming from and child you are not powerless. I may feel powerless at times, and be heavy with shame but I am still a child of the most high God and He is stronger, bigger and more fullfilling than anything our minds can think up. He is hope and I need Him.
So, when you pray remember our family, we are struggling together as we progress through this process of healing and setteling an addiction, my addiction which has effected every member of my family, and a special one for my husband which has extended to me forgivness, mercy and grace that I do not deserve.