As I sat and began to quiet myself, I struggled to stop my mind from reeling. My thoughts kept going to the tasks of my day, what I had done, how I had done things and pouring over all that I left to do in the little day I had left. Be still, I thought to myself. My mind would not yield so I began to pray:
"God you are to me the very breath I need. You are my redeemer, provider, rescuer, Father, lover of my soul, the Alpha and Omega, my healer, sustainer and my strength."
I just began to praise Him then, I asked for quiet and told him that I wanted to honor Him with my stillness. I prayed that any deceiving spirits would be bound and cast out so my focus could be solely on God. So, I sat down and offered God my silence and my stillness. (for any of you that know me... that is hard to imagine, I rarely ever close my mouth especially for an extended period of time). Every time my mind would begin to wander, I just uttered the name of God.
In my stillness I heard Him speak to me. It was as clear as a midnight sky. It wasn't audible but spoken to my very spirit. He said, Do NOT LOSE HOPE.
He reminded me that hope isn't just a feeling that we have that a time or situation will get better but the Hope of God's coming glory. It's so much bigger than a feeling it's the innate knowledge that something else is in control of the big picture.
I began to dwell on what I was hearing and I wondered, have you ever been hopeless?
I have, and it bread in me a: loneliness, shame, isolation, self-pity, hurt and the feeling of worthlessness. Without hope I had no faith that things could get better and without faith I had no strength to fight the fight and without fight I had lost the battle which sent me into a cycle of nothing good. So, God reminded me to not forget His hope. To me, where I have been... this is exactly what I needed to hear.
He is ALWAYS faithful to give us exactly what we need. Thank you Jesus for your unconditional, ever present, and unchangeable love.
September 16, 2006
August 22, 2006
School Fears
Well, just a short blurb that goes to show just how i can get off the focus of the day... I have been, pretty consistently, pushing this thought to the back of my mind. So, instead of ignoring it, I am bringing it to the light... I don't know if i can handle the fact that next year, Eli will enter kindergarten and Zach, well Zach will be a Senior in high school.
Overwhelmed is an understatement. My oldest will be preparing to fly on his own and my youngest... it will mark the end of the days we can just stay home and cuddle all morning watching cartoons, singing silly songs and reading books in bed at lunch time. Not only for E and I but for me... forever. A change of season is close on the horizon and I am not ready.
God,
you know my heart and my inner most thoughts and fears so, you already know that I am a bit wobbly on the inside. You also know that I tend to focus on anything but what hurts. So God as I begin on this journey I pray that you and I find a closer place of meeting, that as you grow me and stretch me I may come through this transition knowing you more.
I thank you Father for being a God that stays with us through the whine, the anger, the pity, the rebellion and the joy of coming around. You may not agree or will us to take the long road but you are a loving and patient God that is willing if we are willing.
Thank you for blessing me beyond what I could imagine.
In the most precious name of Jesus I pray, AMEN
Overwhelmed is an understatement. My oldest will be preparing to fly on his own and my youngest... it will mark the end of the days we can just stay home and cuddle all morning watching cartoons, singing silly songs and reading books in bed at lunch time. Not only for E and I but for me... forever. A change of season is close on the horizon and I am not ready.
God,
you know my heart and my inner most thoughts and fears so, you already know that I am a bit wobbly on the inside. You also know that I tend to focus on anything but what hurts. So God as I begin on this journey I pray that you and I find a closer place of meeting, that as you grow me and stretch me I may come through this transition knowing you more.
I thank you Father for being a God that stays with us through the whine, the anger, the pity, the rebellion and the joy of coming around. You may not agree or will us to take the long road but you are a loving and patient God that is willing if we are willing.
Thank you for blessing me beyond what I could imagine.
In the most precious name of Jesus I pray, AMEN
just being OK
I have been burdened lately by my excessive need for more. A new house, a new car, new furniture, a beautifully landscaped yard (not by me) and a maid. These are just some of the things that cross my mind in my daydreams. These are just the thoughts that effect me, I could think about all of the opportunities available to my children things they could benefit from and struggle with over booking them too.
How do I get so discontent?
I believe that my discontentment comes from my perspective (or my focus). I think when I concentrate on the things I do not have it really effects the things that I am blessed with. Considering my past and the fact that I never dreamed of a future because I didn't think I would have one, makes it all the worse. I do stand with my last blog that this is a society of ADD and ADHD handicapped peoples. I don't think you have to be diagnosed with it to struggle with it. My understanding is that basically it's the inability to maintain focus or composure in a public or private environment. There is a difference in suffering with this very real condition and the manner in which I am using the terms (loosely to make an observation).
So, back to my struggle. I knowingly suffer with the effects of ADD when it comes to keeping my focus even when its not fun. What do I do about keeping my perspective? So far God has been very faithful to gently remind me of my many blessings, and the fact that I have done nothing to earn them He just loves me and wants me to be happy.
I don't know how to walk that fine line between my hopes and dreams and coveting something that I don't have. I do know that if I am starting my day in the Word of God, staying in touch with my Father throughout the day and making decisions based on His leading then... this wouldn't even be a blog, much less a struggle. So see, it is all in my perspective and what I choose to focus on. today I was just thinking and all of this was to say that today... I am OK with being just OK.
How do I get so discontent?
I believe that my discontentment comes from my perspective (or my focus). I think when I concentrate on the things I do not have it really effects the things that I am blessed with. Considering my past and the fact that I never dreamed of a future because I didn't think I would have one, makes it all the worse. I do stand with my last blog that this is a society of ADD and ADHD handicapped peoples. I don't think you have to be diagnosed with it to struggle with it. My understanding is that basically it's the inability to maintain focus or composure in a public or private environment. There is a difference in suffering with this very real condition and the manner in which I am using the terms (loosely to make an observation).
So, back to my struggle. I knowingly suffer with the effects of ADD when it comes to keeping my focus even when its not fun. What do I do about keeping my perspective? So far God has been very faithful to gently remind me of my many blessings, and the fact that I have done nothing to earn them He just loves me and wants me to be happy.
I don't know how to walk that fine line between my hopes and dreams and coveting something that I don't have. I do know that if I am starting my day in the Word of God, staying in touch with my Father throughout the day and making decisions based on His leading then... this wouldn't even be a blog, much less a struggle. So see, it is all in my perspective and what I choose to focus on. today I was just thinking and all of this was to say that today... I am OK with being just OK.
Things people say
Why is it that ten people can give me a wonderful compliment and one person can say nothing and I will obsess about that one persons silence until I am knocked unconscious or my attention is diverted? What is it in the power I give to that one person that skews my whole outlook of a particular event?
Well, to be completely honest... I suffer from a very low self esteem and a cup half empty complex. I am working on it because I see some of what God has done in me and I like it! still, I wonder why we tend to give people so much thought instead of just being who we are and not making apologies or wishing we were more "normal". I am not going to jump on that soap box but let's just get this clear... THERE IS NO NORMAL!!!!! (There is abnormal... just kidding, I just had to expand on and confuse us all).
I am sure that there are many reasons and theories but I am going to share mine. It's focus, in an ADD - ADHD world we don't know how to keep our focus. As a christian where should my focus be? On God. why? Because if I focus on you or me, I get into HUGE trouble. I make selfish choices and end up isolated and feeling guilty. So, in the word: Job 36:16-22
16 He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food.17 But now you are laden with the judgment due to the wicked; judgment and justice have taken hold of you. 18 Be careful that no-one entices you by riches; do not let a large bribe turn you aside. 19 Would your wealth or even all your mighty efforts sustain you so you would not be in distress? 20 Do not long for the night, to drag people away from their homes. 21 Beware of turning to evil, which you seem to prefer to affliction. 22 God is exalted in his power. Who is a teacher like him?
We are told how it works right here. If we let other people's judgement "laden" us, or let other people entice or influence us, long for wealth or things we don't have because we think they will make us happy, or covet what other people have... it equals - misery. If our focus stays on God and what He has for us: Isiah 48:17-18
17 This is what the LORD says- your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. 18 If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.
then we are satisfied, wholly and completely. This was really just for me I needed to hear it again because I tend to get caught up in what I think people think and my focus should be on how to please God.
Well, to be completely honest... I suffer from a very low self esteem and a cup half empty complex. I am working on it because I see some of what God has done in me and I like it! still, I wonder why we tend to give people so much thought instead of just being who we are and not making apologies or wishing we were more "normal". I am not going to jump on that soap box but let's just get this clear... THERE IS NO NORMAL!!!!! (There is abnormal... just kidding, I just had to expand on and confuse us all).
I am sure that there are many reasons and theories but I am going to share mine. It's focus, in an ADD - ADHD world we don't know how to keep our focus. As a christian where should my focus be? On God. why? Because if I focus on you or me, I get into HUGE trouble. I make selfish choices and end up isolated and feeling guilty. So, in the word: Job 36:16-22
16 He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food.17 But now you are laden with the judgment due to the wicked; judgment and justice have taken hold of you. 18 Be careful that no-one entices you by riches; do not let a large bribe turn you aside. 19 Would your wealth or even all your mighty efforts sustain you so you would not be in distress? 20 Do not long for the night, to drag people away from their homes. 21 Beware of turning to evil, which you seem to prefer to affliction. 22 God is exalted in his power. Who is a teacher like him?
We are told how it works right here. If we let other people's judgement "laden" us, or let other people entice or influence us, long for wealth or things we don't have because we think they will make us happy, or covet what other people have... it equals - misery. If our focus stays on God and what He has for us: Isiah 48:17-18
17 This is what the LORD says- your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. 18 If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea.
then we are satisfied, wholly and completely. This was really just for me I needed to hear it again because I tend to get caught up in what I think people think and my focus should be on how to please God.
August 18, 2006
A try at "no so" fiction - 2
On the other side of the door is a young couple bubbling with anticipation of a baby girl to complete their family. The missing one that they could not have on their own so they prayed for and endured years under a microscope for to finally become adoptive parents to this tiny baby.
So much already rides on the shoulders of this tiny baby. The emotional bond broken between mother and child and the beginning of growth between a new mother and father.
Let's go back a bit and see the foundations that brought these two families together.
First, Patty. She is a pretty young girl just starting out in her adult life. Do her parents know, does anyone know? Does she have anyone to help her through this? The day she found out that she was pregnant,what must have gone through her mind. She thought about just taking the easy way out and having an abortion but fear and guilt weighed in for the favor of the child. So, what now? Did she leave home alone to walk this road by herself out of shame? Can she walk away and never look back?
Meet Caroline and John, they have everything, the whole package (to the eye). They have two boys and Caroline always dreamed of having a little girl of her own to love and pamper.
He is a plastic surgeon and she a socialite extraordinary. Together these two can give this baby everything a child could want or need.
Just on the other side of the door John and Caroline wait impatiently for there first glimpse of their new baby girl. the door begins to open and this time it is she. Col. Tremont is holding a tiny baby swaddled in blankets... they are speechless and brought to tears. Finally, after all the years their hope has become reality.
So much already rides on the shoulders of this tiny baby. The emotional bond broken between mother and child and the beginning of growth between a new mother and father.
Let's go back a bit and see the foundations that brought these two families together.
First, Patty. She is a pretty young girl just starting out in her adult life. Do her parents know, does anyone know? Does she have anyone to help her through this? The day she found out that she was pregnant,what must have gone through her mind. She thought about just taking the easy way out and having an abortion but fear and guilt weighed in for the favor of the child. So, what now? Did she leave home alone to walk this road by herself out of shame? Can she walk away and never look back?
Meet Caroline and John, they have everything, the whole package (to the eye). They have two boys and Caroline always dreamed of having a little girl of her own to love and pamper.
He is a plastic surgeon and she a socialite extraordinary. Together these two can give this baby everything a child could want or need.
Just on the other side of the door John and Caroline wait impatiently for there first glimpse of their new baby girl. the door begins to open and this time it is she. Col. Tremont is holding a tiny baby swaddled in blankets... they are speechless and brought to tears. Finally, after all the years their hope has become reality.
A try at "no so" fiction - 1
It's a beautiful fall day, the wind is cool but not yet holds the chill of winter. The sun is shining and the sky is clear. There are leaves of all colors falling from the tops of the trees onto the grass and covering the narrow streets of New Orleans.
You would never know the beauty of the season from the inside of the hospital. On the 5th floor, up high you would think the colorful trees would be a sight to behold but, on the delivery ward there is little time to sit and look out the small sliver windows that are basically ignored in the hustle and bustle of the demanding atmosphere.
The ward is pretty full today and the mother's to be are a wide range of girls from; excited young wives anticipating their first babies, single mom's, second and third timers, and some that will come in as a mother and leave without the child they have chosen to carry and deliver to term.
Meet Patty, she is a young girl of 20 and very scared. She is one that has chosen to give her baby up. Maybe she was unprepared, maybe a victim of a crime, caught in a bad situation or maybe just feels all alone? She is here because her time has come, she is ready to give birth to this child she has nourished in her womb for the past 9 months. Lots of thought, tears and struggle have surrounded this day but, today it is clear. This will be the hard part and the beginning of a new life for both mother and child, apart.
I imagine the fear that grew as this day came closer. So many emotions and decisions riddled with fear, "am I doing the right thing" and all of the "what ifs". So many possibilities and no promises just a hope that this decision would turn out to be the right one.
In the hospital room, as the labor pains begin, she begins to think. Everything is going so fast, what is going to happen, how can I do this, how can I not do this, if only... I could go back.
With a extremely painful contraction, reality sets back in and she just reserves her will to do this for the greater good and think later. She shuts down er overwhelming emotions and goes through the birth as best she can.
As the baby girl is brought into the world for her first breath, the nurse asks Patty what she would like to name the baby. "Cynthia", she answers as the baby is taken away. The nurse must not have known of what she asked her, would it have been easier to leave or just walk away without a name? Now, there is a connection.
You would never know the beauty of the season from the inside of the hospital. On the 5th floor, up high you would think the colorful trees would be a sight to behold but, on the delivery ward there is little time to sit and look out the small sliver windows that are basically ignored in the hustle and bustle of the demanding atmosphere.
The ward is pretty full today and the mother's to be are a wide range of girls from; excited young wives anticipating their first babies, single mom's, second and third timers, and some that will come in as a mother and leave without the child they have chosen to carry and deliver to term.
Meet Patty, she is a young girl of 20 and very scared. She is one that has chosen to give her baby up. Maybe she was unprepared, maybe a victim of a crime, caught in a bad situation or maybe just feels all alone? She is here because her time has come, she is ready to give birth to this child she has nourished in her womb for the past 9 months. Lots of thought, tears and struggle have surrounded this day but, today it is clear. This will be the hard part and the beginning of a new life for both mother and child, apart.
I imagine the fear that grew as this day came closer. So many emotions and decisions riddled with fear, "am I doing the right thing" and all of the "what ifs". So many possibilities and no promises just a hope that this decision would turn out to be the right one.
In the hospital room, as the labor pains begin, she begins to think. Everything is going so fast, what is going to happen, how can I do this, how can I not do this, if only... I could go back.
With a extremely painful contraction, reality sets back in and she just reserves her will to do this for the greater good and think later. She shuts down er overwhelming emotions and goes through the birth as best she can.
As the baby girl is brought into the world for her first breath, the nurse asks Patty what she would like to name the baby. "Cynthia", she answers as the baby is taken away. The nurse must not have known of what she asked her, would it have been easier to leave or just walk away without a name? Now, there is a connection.
August 17, 2006
the fear of love
Isn't this a little true of all girls? We give out freely what we think people want but when it comes to the deep inside... all we have left. We hang on tightly, protecting what little we have left. We don't want the hurt, pain and devastation that comes with love (friendship or husband). God can reside in our hearts and we can still be broken off from completeness in relationships due to fear. Maybe it was a silent statement... I will NEVER do that again or I will never share that part of me ever again. The pain is excruciating when we open our selves up and become vulnerable and we are shot with betrayal. God is the key... I have made many such statements to my soul and you know what? I have stayed bound and in pain anyway. I know I missed some blessings by being unwilling to hear God, obey and step out. Does God say we will never be hurt? No, does He say He will only bring things to us that He can use for Good? Yes! So,(assuming mostly adults read this) our part is to model this venerability for our children. They need to know God is in control of ALL areas of our lives, even the pain. We need to touch lives, invest in people so that one by one people become faith believers again. We need to know above all things that God is in control.
On the other side of his is choice. There are somethings that happen in our lives that are done to us and we get left with the crud of dealing with it and some things we do and have to live with the consequences. Both are actually choices. The choice is in how you are going to deal with it. Are you going to stay the victim and glaze over any good that can come out of a situation? Are you going to wait forever for a validation or an apology that may or may not relive your pain? Or are you going to give it to God and let Him work it out in you? See God is in control BUT we have the gift of free-will. We have to choose if God is going to win in our heart or will the ever-present deceiver win another battle of the heart?
Is God big enough to wipe out all struggles for us? Yes. God is big enough for anything and every challenge but who wants something that doesn't want or appreciate them? he wants us at our will and He goes to extreme lengths to woo us to Him. So, in leiu of this isn't there a little of that girl in all of us?
On the other side of his is choice. There are somethings that happen in our lives that are done to us and we get left with the crud of dealing with it and some things we do and have to live with the consequences. Both are actually choices. The choice is in how you are going to deal with it. Are you going to stay the victim and glaze over any good that can come out of a situation? Are you going to wait forever for a validation or an apology that may or may not relive your pain? Or are you going to give it to God and let Him work it out in you? See God is in control BUT we have the gift of free-will. We have to choose if God is going to win in our heart or will the ever-present deceiver win another battle of the heart?
Is God big enough to wipe out all struggles for us? Yes. God is big enough for anything and every challenge but who wants something that doesn't want or appreciate them? he wants us at our will and He goes to extreme lengths to woo us to Him. So, in leiu of this isn't there a little of that girl in all of us?
August 16, 2006
finding common ground
I met this girl and we hang out. This has been going on since about March and I am as confused as ever. To the eye she is rough, mean and a bit scary. To me, she is wounded, deceived and bound in layer upon layers of dysfunction. On top of all this, she may suffer from a chemical imbalance and a life-long health issue she has to deal with. That's the surface... underneath she has the wounds to match. She has been in the state system since she was taken out of the home and abandon as a little girl. She has been abused, neglected and fallen between the cracks and on top of all this... when she turned 18, she was no longer cared for by the state put out and now homeless so her feeling of being abandon and alone... validated.
We all have our "issues" and wounds we have to work through but how do you shine light through to someone who doesn't recognize it? God's job is saving her but mine... encouragement. He planted and righteous burden in my heart for her and He has given me a glimpse of who she is or can be. My struggle is taking my "feelings" out of it. She is at times sweet, caring, responsible and trying then in a split moment she is short, angry, spiteful and scary. I have tried everything I know to connect with her and while I "think" that is finally happening... we back slide. I know God knit us together just as much for me as for her and I have faith that eventually... this will all show His work in and out.
We all have our "issues" and wounds we have to work through but how do you shine light through to someone who doesn't recognize it? God's job is saving her but mine... encouragement. He planted and righteous burden in my heart for her and He has given me a glimpse of who she is or can be. My struggle is taking my "feelings" out of it. She is at times sweet, caring, responsible and trying then in a split moment she is short, angry, spiteful and scary. I have tried everything I know to connect with her and while I "think" that is finally happening... we back slide. I know God knit us together just as much for me as for her and I have faith that eventually... this will all show His work in and out.
Times...they are a changin'
Well, like I wrote a little bit about earlier... Z got a car. His grandparents gave them their car and fixed it up, they painted it, fixed the interior, detailed it and pimped out the stereo system for him. It was great of them to bless him in such a huge way!
Well shortly, after my last blog (five days to be exact). I arrived home from a lock-in with C at about 6:45 AM Saturday morning to another rampage of the battle of the yards. We couldn't even get in the front door, it was wrapped and silly stringed, so we used the garage. We ignored the mess, crawled up the stairs into bed for some much deprived sleep.
Z had to work at 10:00 so around 9:15 he came in for a shirt : ) So I got up ironed his shirt and walked down with him to see the annihilation of our yard. At about 9:30 he pulled out of the drive on his way. Now, every time he leaves in the car I get a pang or "pain" is more like it. This day, nothing out of the ordinary. I felt no gut feeling for him to stay home nor did a little voice say tell him to be extra careful.... nothing.
Enter the next picture... probably just short of 5 minutes later I get a call from him... "Mom.... uh, I've been in an accident". At that point, honestly, I thanked God that He could call. Then Mom-sense set in... "we will be right there". All was Ok everyone involved was uninjured and the scene was mellow. Z was visibly shaken but holding it together. I told him that this was it, he had wrecked and this could just be a "gimme" for all of the kids for all time. I don't want another call about any of them.
The story goes on but the lesson are for Z. He has a lot to learn and deal with, 16 is so young for all that responsibility. I am proud of him, he is doing fine it's just hard to sit back and let him have the pains of growing up. I am a rescuer and peace maker so I want to fix it and glaze it all over so everything is OK. What he needs is space to fly or "crash" on his own and feel the fullness of his choices and mistakes. Only then will he grow in this process, don't get me wrong... I am right there if he needs me but for now.... my lesson and job require me to stay back out of God's business.
Oh, what a day!
It's a regular day, J is getting up and around and I don't have to so, I am lounging around in bed now that I have the WHOLE thing to myself : ) Today is the day that Z and J are going to Chattanooga to pick up Z's first car. So, while lying there I decided that this was a picture worthy day but my camera was in the car AND J hates my car because it's... well, uh - lived in and LOVED - allot! So, to spare him the agony and stress, I got up and went to get the camera.
As I descended the stairs and reached for the door knob I glanced up through our sheer curtains and behold a vision.... OK, it wasn't a vision. It was toilet paper, lots of flowing toilet paper from the very tops of the trees to the very bottom. and that's not all, we have tampon accents tied to the branches and a sea of forks, knives and spoons stuck in the dirt throughout the yard.
See, it's official! Not only is he growing up now other women are competing for his attention. No, really I am kidding but I am having a difficult time knowing that God is adding on the last few "must haves" before his final test flight in 2008. I know he will constantly be upgrading all through life but the basics... he's got them. I have never been so proud or so torn up inside at the same time. All of this from a few rolls of toilet paper... who'd a thunk it?
You may be bored at my ramblings or wonder what is the point? The point is: I could have been angry and refused to clean it up and let Z take care of it later - there WAS a clue... a sole gatorade bottle left behind (it actually crossed my mind to get DNA - too much CSI, I guess even though I assume that the barer of the DNA is probably under the age of having a federal wrap sheet)... Or I could look at it for what it is: a milestone and a reminder.
God is so complete in His growing us and stretching us that even a trashed yard can be a blessing. I actually took joy with every step of picking up stuff because I was remembering just where Z's been and a little glimpse of where he's going - to heaven - eventually. I just was there and God just blessed me through the ummm... 10ish rolls of toilet paper.
So it goes to show, anything can be profound, its just if you are listening or not.
limbo
So again, it's been a bit between blogs. I have been stumped but not so stumped. You know, where you see it but just can quite get there? For a long time now God has been teaching me and stretching me and refining my ways and while I know that never completely stops... I am hoping it will hit a lull here pretty soon. I am just left spinning. I have bitten off more than I can chew so when God begins revealing things to me... I have left no time for processing the lessons.
A lesson for you all: Say no, turn the ringer off and unplug the computer and take the time to work out what God is doing in you. the quicker you do this the shorter the road (usually, this is not a guarantee).
I am still working it all out, I'm just a little overloaded (self-induced). Anyway, why this for a blog? I guess I just needed to write it out to understand it and plus... while I am on the computer, no one dares to interrupt (it's my sanctuary). So, I just had to cry out and claim my SANCTUARY for my sanity.
I am so thankful to my God that He never shakes His head and gives up but instead knows just how to capture my attention and passion.
A lesson for you all: Say no, turn the ringer off and unplug the computer and take the time to work out what God is doing in you. the quicker you do this the shorter the road (usually, this is not a guarantee).
I am still working it all out, I'm just a little overloaded (self-induced). Anyway, why this for a blog? I guess I just needed to write it out to understand it and plus... while I am on the computer, no one dares to interrupt (it's my sanctuary). So, I just had to cry out and claim my SANCTUARY for my sanity.
I am so thankful to my God that He never shakes His head and gives up but instead knows just how to capture my attention and passion.
July 28, 2006
The call of the wild
The streets have a call
it isn't heard by all
the bewitching is a captivating thing
it keeps the heart from knowing how to sing
even though they tear down and destroy
theres something about it that mocks true joy.
I see the girls and the pain in their eyes
Oh, why can't they see the lure of the skies.
walking, pushing, lying, needing how did we get here?
hoping to escape but again hearts are seared.
Closed and shut down so NO ONE gets in
not to be hurt by the judgement of their sin
a vow to never be weak again
and a lifetime of lies and deceit begins.
once there was a little girl
and now deep down there is a hidden pearl,
a hope that has been so pushed down
she doesn't know if she'll ever be found.
In comes God, with His perfect hand
to pick her up and restore her land.
"Could it be? this isn't all for me
where I have been He can't know or see".
Ah, my child but don't you know
all this time I have been where you go
I walk beside you in every step
you my child, I have never left.
Come to me my weary one
just one step and healing has begun.
I don't ask for perfection or more than you can give
come with Me and choose to live
I was there when everyone else walked away
yes, I was there on every single day.
I cried when you couldn't and pain seared my heart too
All of this time I have been chasing after you
I want you to know, that I am all you need
In you my child I have already planted the seed.
I know you won't come until you are good and ready
I am here for the long haul, forever, I am steady.
So when the pain comes too much to bare
reach out to me, I will still be there
I can help you live and breath
I am the only one who can let you free.
Come my child, it's been so long
life without you is just wrong
open your heart just one more time
I promise with me, life will be fine.
So, can you step out
so I can step in
and together true life in you can begin.
it isn't heard by all
the bewitching is a captivating thing
it keeps the heart from knowing how to sing
even though they tear down and destroy
theres something about it that mocks true joy.
I see the girls and the pain in their eyes
Oh, why can't they see the lure of the skies.
walking, pushing, lying, needing how did we get here?
hoping to escape but again hearts are seared.
Closed and shut down so NO ONE gets in
not to be hurt by the judgement of their sin
a vow to never be weak again
and a lifetime of lies and deceit begins.
once there was a little girl
and now deep down there is a hidden pearl,
a hope that has been so pushed down
she doesn't know if she'll ever be found.
In comes God, with His perfect hand
to pick her up and restore her land.
"Could it be? this isn't all for me
where I have been He can't know or see".
Ah, my child but don't you know
all this time I have been where you go
I walk beside you in every step
you my child, I have never left.
Come to me my weary one
just one step and healing has begun.
I don't ask for perfection or more than you can give
come with Me and choose to live
I was there when everyone else walked away
yes, I was there on every single day.
I cried when you couldn't and pain seared my heart too
All of this time I have been chasing after you
I want you to know, that I am all you need
In you my child I have already planted the seed.
I know you won't come until you are good and ready
I am here for the long haul, forever, I am steady.
So when the pain comes too much to bare
reach out to me, I will still be there
I can help you live and breath
I am the only one who can let you free.
Come my child, it's been so long
life without you is just wrong
open your heart just one more time
I promise with me, life will be fine.
So, can you step out
so I can step in
and together true life in you can begin.
July 25, 2006
A profound statement...
"Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"
July 22, 2006
to school or not to school...
Well, it is just so weird having children... they are all so different. I mean they can look alike, have similar dis-likes and talents but they are completely different creatures.
We have had some difficulties and struggles in the school area. We have had one child that is OK in that area, we don't even really remember having to teach him to read (I think he was born literate), but has a struggle in the social area. Then we have one that flourishes in the spot-light but struggles in academics... and THEN, we have one that doesn't hit any chart at all, out of the box, so-to-say.
What to do, what to do... how important is academic acceleration. What about just doing the best you can and keeping your heart in tact? I mean, what if you never make an honor roll or excel in a subject that doesn't include a ball. Where is the line and balance? Is there a balance of a healthy heart and pushing someone to do their best without tearing a rip in who they think they are vs. the amazing creature they were created to be. We all want to be good at what is put before us and if we constantly are being told we aren't meeting that expectation then what are we to do? Where is the balance? Do we drop our expectations and nurture what areas are successful? Do we keep pushing even when we see it has left a lasting mark?
To school or not to school is all about the bottom line... how important is the heart vs. academic performance? I know we have to seek anything to find out anything but what about HOW we seek. I am I still doing my job set before me by God if I take an alternate route? So to school or not to school?
And, while I am babbling... why can't our educator (as a whole) teach in all ways? It is proven and undisputed that all children learn differently, why can't we accommodate that without having to "modify" life for them?
I am, praying about this but my very human side is emotionally fueled and in need of a little dumping.
We have had some difficulties and struggles in the school area. We have had one child that is OK in that area, we don't even really remember having to teach him to read (I think he was born literate), but has a struggle in the social area. Then we have one that flourishes in the spot-light but struggles in academics... and THEN, we have one that doesn't hit any chart at all, out of the box, so-to-say.
What to do, what to do... how important is academic acceleration. What about just doing the best you can and keeping your heart in tact? I mean, what if you never make an honor roll or excel in a subject that doesn't include a ball. Where is the line and balance? Is there a balance of a healthy heart and pushing someone to do their best without tearing a rip in who they think they are vs. the amazing creature they were created to be. We all want to be good at what is put before us and if we constantly are being told we aren't meeting that expectation then what are we to do? Where is the balance? Do we drop our expectations and nurture what areas are successful? Do we keep pushing even when we see it has left a lasting mark?
To school or not to school is all about the bottom line... how important is the heart vs. academic performance? I know we have to seek anything to find out anything but what about HOW we seek. I am I still doing my job set before me by God if I take an alternate route? So to school or not to school?
And, while I am babbling... why can't our educator (as a whole) teach in all ways? It is proven and undisputed that all children learn differently, why can't we accommodate that without having to "modify" life for them?
I am, praying about this but my very human side is emotionally fueled and in need of a little dumping.
"it doesn't matter"
OK a little venting is good for the soul right? The phrase "it doesn't matter" is SO not what it seems. Honestly, Have you ever used those words and it really... really did not matter? I have heard these words from just about every person close to me lately and I could tell before they were uttered that whatever it was... it mattered! A situation you can not control... It doesn't matter; a friend hurts you unknowingly... it doesn't matter; a spat ends in a draw... it doesn't matter. This could go on and on, right? So why do we short change ourselves and just choke down our feelings and become complacent.
Is it a way of avoiding? Uh, NO - cause you feel it anyway and you have to deal with it anyway all your doing is leaving the other person in the ever-loving land of oblivion.
Is it fear? What are we afraid of, is it that we might not get our way, might not be validated or is it just if we don't address the situation that we can really pretend it didn't happen? Yeah right, that seems to work one out of ...never-times.
Is it we just don't trust the person with our true feelings? Ouch, that one hurts. Could that be a factor? Hm-mm....
I don't know the answer but I do know that when someones says it doesn't matter... it does!
Is it a way of avoiding? Uh, NO - cause you feel it anyway and you have to deal with it anyway all your doing is leaving the other person in the ever-loving land of oblivion.
Is it fear? What are we afraid of, is it that we might not get our way, might not be validated or is it just if we don't address the situation that we can really pretend it didn't happen? Yeah right, that seems to work one out of ...never-times.
Is it we just don't trust the person with our true feelings? Ouch, that one hurts. Could that be a factor? Hm-mm....
I don't know the answer but I do know that when someones says it doesn't matter... it does!
blessings through a friend
Today is a good day, I have been trying to daily surrender my day, hour by hour, minute by minute to God's will instead of mine. Although, I have failed to respond at times... only when it involves cleaning :)
Last night I spoke something to a friend that I had never heard myself... I said, "you really don't have freedom when you are out feeding an addiction, avoiding responsibility or living on the streets ("living by your own rules"). Really that lifestyle is void of freedom; the addiction consumes all choices, lack of responsibility never erases responsibility just breeds guilt and living on the street... that is such a controlled environment because there is always someone telling you where you can sit, sleep, eat.... on and on.
So, what God said through me, sank in. I heard Him talking to me personally. Maybe, in my own life there are things that I view as freedom that really aren't and things or people I see as controlling me that are really here to give me freedom. Am I making sense? I don't think anyone is placed here to "control" us (as adults) but to help us by; leading, teaching and to walk beside us... definitely.
I can't choose for you, make you respond in a way I want or prohibit your will and nor can you do the same for me. So.... how do we identify the areas of deception? Well, so far God has been faithful to reveal areas to me that are functioning at a less than satisfactory speed. I am a bit hard- headed, stubborn and emotional so, I usually take the long road which usually does not parallel the "high" road.
Join me in the next few days or weeks in asking God to open the eyes of my heart that I might know Him more and through Him see my areas of blindness better.
Thank You God that You never grow weary of investing in us. Thank you that your will is good and perfect and that your plans for us are not to harm us but to give us hope and a future. I praise you and am thankful that you bless us with new and inviting days every morning. Thank you that you bring friends into our lives to help us and speak truth to us even through our own blindness. Thank you for never letting me forget from where you have brought me and may I continue to learn and grow in your ways. I humble myself in the knowledge that you are God. And I try a bit more each day to grasp the gift of Jesus that you have freely given to me and every child that calls you Father and believes.
Covered by the blood of Jesus I pray. Amen
Last night I spoke something to a friend that I had never heard myself... I said, "you really don't have freedom when you are out feeding an addiction, avoiding responsibility or living on the streets ("living by your own rules"). Really that lifestyle is void of freedom; the addiction consumes all choices, lack of responsibility never erases responsibility just breeds guilt and living on the street... that is such a controlled environment because there is always someone telling you where you can sit, sleep, eat.... on and on.
So, what God said through me, sank in. I heard Him talking to me personally. Maybe, in my own life there are things that I view as freedom that really aren't and things or people I see as controlling me that are really here to give me freedom. Am I making sense? I don't think anyone is placed here to "control" us (as adults) but to help us by; leading, teaching and to walk beside us... definitely.
I can't choose for you, make you respond in a way I want or prohibit your will and nor can you do the same for me. So.... how do we identify the areas of deception? Well, so far God has been faithful to reveal areas to me that are functioning at a less than satisfactory speed. I am a bit hard- headed, stubborn and emotional so, I usually take the long road which usually does not parallel the "high" road.
Join me in the next few days or weeks in asking God to open the eyes of my heart that I might know Him more and through Him see my areas of blindness better.
Thank You God that You never grow weary of investing in us. Thank you that your will is good and perfect and that your plans for us are not to harm us but to give us hope and a future. I praise you and am thankful that you bless us with new and inviting days every morning. Thank you that you bring friends into our lives to help us and speak truth to us even through our own blindness. Thank you for never letting me forget from where you have brought me and may I continue to learn and grow in your ways. I humble myself in the knowledge that you are God. And I try a bit more each day to grasp the gift of Jesus that you have freely given to me and every child that calls you Father and believes.
Covered by the blood of Jesus I pray. Amen
July 14, 2006
Isn't it a good thing....
In Lieu of my last post I have to add, isn't it good to have a God that expects the very best from us and only holds us to what He knows we can do.
How many people in our lives have unjust expectations of us?
Maybe we have friends that think we have more to offer than what we do, kids that expect us to satisfy every whim, family that makes plans for us assuming that is what we want, a ministry that expects perfection from us, a parent that pushes us to exhaustion.... it could be anything.
Expectations are dangerous unless you are God. He is the only one that knows all of the factors in the big picture. I guess I am just so thankful that my God doesn't sit up in heaven and glance down every now and then. The God I know is down here and hands on constantly stretching and growing his children to their full potential. And yes, in that... comes discipline. Sometimes it feels like a roll of distant warning thunder, a gentle snap of the finger to get our attention or at times a lasting wrath that reminds of that our Father loves us enough to not want us to stay bound in sin. Ultimately, the decision is ours... that's the beauty of it all, He never makes us do anything He makes it our decision. He has provided all of our needs we just have to choose to believe Him.
So, both the loving, compassionate Father God and the righteous Judge on the throne are the same and both very necessary for our freedom and life abundant. Think about life without hope or someone that knows everything about you, past, present and future and holds you to doing you best even when you fail. What would life be for without a reason to want to be better, a hope that brings us to our feet in the morning or the awe that is the world around us testifying to His glory with every glance.
There's just nothing like coming home to the feet of Jesus to make everything right again.
How many people in our lives have unjust expectations of us?
Maybe we have friends that think we have more to offer than what we do, kids that expect us to satisfy every whim, family that makes plans for us assuming that is what we want, a ministry that expects perfection from us, a parent that pushes us to exhaustion.... it could be anything.
Expectations are dangerous unless you are God. He is the only one that knows all of the factors in the big picture. I guess I am just so thankful that my God doesn't sit up in heaven and glance down every now and then. The God I know is down here and hands on constantly stretching and growing his children to their full potential. And yes, in that... comes discipline. Sometimes it feels like a roll of distant warning thunder, a gentle snap of the finger to get our attention or at times a lasting wrath that reminds of that our Father loves us enough to not want us to stay bound in sin. Ultimately, the decision is ours... that's the beauty of it all, He never makes us do anything He makes it our decision. He has provided all of our needs we just have to choose to believe Him.
So, both the loving, compassionate Father God and the righteous Judge on the throne are the same and both very necessary for our freedom and life abundant. Think about life without hope or someone that knows everything about you, past, present and future and holds you to doing you best even when you fail. What would life be for without a reason to want to be better, a hope that brings us to our feet in the morning or the awe that is the world around us testifying to His glory with every glance.
There's just nothing like coming home to the feet of Jesus to make everything right again.
July 13, 2006
What is it about God?
Ok so it's been awhile, I have been in process
What is it about our God, My God? What do I know or "think" I know about my Father in heave? Well, this is such a hard topic because we don't like to admit we might have wrong views of God but, if we're honest, we have a lot of ideas about who God is that are not God at all.
Okay I'll start, My most deceptive idea about God lately, has been that he is love and compassionate (which He is) BUT - I have ever so conveniently left out the righteous judge as well as our Master Creator He is also the taker of life. He is all of the good, perfect and wonderful things that we all adore about coming to the feet of our Jesus but... less we forget or dismiss the fact that we are to be held accountable to a higher way of life and a different set of values by a God that is easily angered and jealous when set aside.
Does that make sense? I have been so blinded by the goodness of God that I blotted out my own transgressions by assuming that the "goodness" of God covered them and maybe... somewhere deep inside me I even thought I deserved or was entitled to His forgiveness because I knew He loved me so much.
OK, for example, Let's say that I acted in some way irresponsibility and got in trouble. I am sorry for getting caught and the hurt I caused but, I never said to my self or out loud; "God, please forgive me I know what I did was wrong" (- agreeing with God that I acted out of His will for my life). You know what happens? nothing, you get nothing. In some cases in the Bible the person never felt the Holy spirit again because they did not have an awe (healthy fear or respect - another state of awe) for the mighty hand of God's judgement. Without a real respect for God the Judge, you can not have a healthy relationship with God the Father. His demand for us to follow Him is not a request and when we get to a point where you can look at Him and say... NO, I will not. BEWARE, His wrath has no comparison and will leave a lasting mark. Don't let pride, shame, ignorance or whatever it is get you to a point where God has to turn His face from you and let you over to your own evil desires. Whatever your idol, habit, addiction, baggage, pain, wound or assumption is... nothing has power over you unless you have given it over. Christ in you, Christ in me... we can overcome all things and live in victory but it is not free... the price? Obedience.
For me, I am studying the scriptures for exactly who God is in truth and getting the misconceptions, lies and half-truths out of my head and my heart, so I can know HIm more. Never again do I want to feel so apart and unconnected from my Father that I feel nothing.
What is it about our God, My God? What do I know or "think" I know about my Father in heave? Well, this is such a hard topic because we don't like to admit we might have wrong views of God but, if we're honest, we have a lot of ideas about who God is that are not God at all.
Okay I'll start, My most deceptive idea about God lately, has been that he is love and compassionate (which He is) BUT - I have ever so conveniently left out the righteous judge as well as our Master Creator He is also the taker of life. He is all of the good, perfect and wonderful things that we all adore about coming to the feet of our Jesus but... less we forget or dismiss the fact that we are to be held accountable to a higher way of life and a different set of values by a God that is easily angered and jealous when set aside.
Does that make sense? I have been so blinded by the goodness of God that I blotted out my own transgressions by assuming that the "goodness" of God covered them and maybe... somewhere deep inside me I even thought I deserved or was entitled to His forgiveness because I knew He loved me so much.
OK, for example, Let's say that I acted in some way irresponsibility and got in trouble. I am sorry for getting caught and the hurt I caused but, I never said to my self or out loud; "God, please forgive me I know what I did was wrong" (- agreeing with God that I acted out of His will for my life). You know what happens? nothing, you get nothing. In some cases in the Bible the person never felt the Holy spirit again because they did not have an awe (healthy fear or respect - another state of awe) for the mighty hand of God's judgement. Without a real respect for God the Judge, you can not have a healthy relationship with God the Father. His demand for us to follow Him is not a request and when we get to a point where you can look at Him and say... NO, I will not. BEWARE, His wrath has no comparison and will leave a lasting mark. Don't let pride, shame, ignorance or whatever it is get you to a point where God has to turn His face from you and let you over to your own evil desires. Whatever your idol, habit, addiction, baggage, pain, wound or assumption is... nothing has power over you unless you have given it over. Christ in you, Christ in me... we can overcome all things and live in victory but it is not free... the price? Obedience.
For me, I am studying the scriptures for exactly who God is in truth and getting the misconceptions, lies and half-truths out of my head and my heart, so I can know HIm more. Never again do I want to feel so apart and unconnected from my Father that I feel nothing.
June 20, 2006
Lifted or Shifted???
Well, here's a new thought to chew on...
When we have hurts, habits, hangups, strongholds, addictions; unhealthy patterns of behavior in general... can we shift them so they disguise themselves as something else. I don't mean we consciously shift them but the pattern shifts and we are fooled into thinking we are freer in an area of of lives than we really are. If that is so, does it not show the cunning abilities if our enemy? What more vulnerable a target than a wounded soul and to be so susceptible to the lie that you are kept in bondage unknowingly? Fooled into thinking that that struggle is healed and moving on to another only to find out they are one in the same?
Hmmm... I dunno, I am chewing this one down. I can see my past strongholds and how destructive they were to myself as well as everyone around me. When I wasn't in bondage to drugs, alcohol, whatever ( I still have difficulty listing them all), I assumed that they were areas of progression and freedom for me.
At the same time, I know God has provided healing and protection for me and my family but... I think that I was mistaken, God has required something of me all along but has seem my heart and for whatever reason, the time was not at hand... maybe now is the time for me to do the work that needs to be done. Maybe now, I am Strong enough to give whatever it is that I need to and to walk in victory with Him. Maybe, now it is time for me to dig up, dig in and clean out all my distorted views of God, hurts, and just the junk. Maybe now, I can be completely free from these unhealthy behaviors.
In conclusion, what I do know as truth is: God will never leave me or forsake me. As long as I am willing I don't have to know what my healing looks like or the full step by step... I can just go and He will be my guide and whatever comes up... He knows I can handle.... Trusting Him (that's my daily dwelling place, Trusting in Him).
Father God, Thank you that you know what we need, what we can handle and that Your ways are perfectly designed for us in mind. Thank you that you have lifted, helped and suspended unhealthy patterns in my life in protection of me. Thank you that you are trust worthy and Lord, help me to know what trust (your way) is. I desire to be healthy, productive and a blessing to You. Help me see that having You in me, with that, I can do anything (I shall not fear). You are worthy of so much more than I am offering to You, forgive me for choosing to put other things before you, being selfish enough to satisfy my own desires, and my lack of understanding the whole-ness of who you really are. You are Holy and there is none beside You. Thank you for Your constant provision, In You I can find anything I seek.
In the mighty name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
When we have hurts, habits, hangups, strongholds, addictions; unhealthy patterns of behavior in general... can we shift them so they disguise themselves as something else. I don't mean we consciously shift them but the pattern shifts and we are fooled into thinking we are freer in an area of of lives than we really are. If that is so, does it not show the cunning abilities if our enemy? What more vulnerable a target than a wounded soul and to be so susceptible to the lie that you are kept in bondage unknowingly? Fooled into thinking that that struggle is healed and moving on to another only to find out they are one in the same?
Hmmm... I dunno, I am chewing this one down. I can see my past strongholds and how destructive they were to myself as well as everyone around me. When I wasn't in bondage to drugs, alcohol, whatever ( I still have difficulty listing them all), I assumed that they were areas of progression and freedom for me.
At the same time, I know God has provided healing and protection for me and my family but... I think that I was mistaken, God has required something of me all along but has seem my heart and for whatever reason, the time was not at hand... maybe now is the time for me to do the work that needs to be done. Maybe now, I am Strong enough to give whatever it is that I need to and to walk in victory with Him. Maybe, now it is time for me to dig up, dig in and clean out all my distorted views of God, hurts, and just the junk. Maybe now, I can be completely free from these unhealthy behaviors.
In conclusion, what I do know as truth is: God will never leave me or forsake me. As long as I am willing I don't have to know what my healing looks like or the full step by step... I can just go and He will be my guide and whatever comes up... He knows I can handle.... Trusting Him (that's my daily dwelling place, Trusting in Him).
Father God, Thank you that you know what we need, what we can handle and that Your ways are perfectly designed for us in mind. Thank you that you have lifted, helped and suspended unhealthy patterns in my life in protection of me. Thank you that you are trust worthy and Lord, help me to know what trust (your way) is. I desire to be healthy, productive and a blessing to You. Help me see that having You in me, with that, I can do anything (I shall not fear). You are worthy of so much more than I am offering to You, forgive me for choosing to put other things before you, being selfish enough to satisfy my own desires, and my lack of understanding the whole-ness of who you really are. You are Holy and there is none beside You. Thank you for Your constant provision, In You I can find anything I seek.
In the mighty name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
June 18, 2006
required or not...
Today is a new day and honestly... this day IS better than the day before. We sang a song in worship today and it had a line that says "Every day with you Lord... is better than day before". Granted, that is not always the case to the human eye but always the case when we are trusting God.
Today God's revelation to me was this, in all of my past addictions, hurts or habits... I was delivered from them. For example, today a man gave his testimony about how God just took his stronghold and it was not a major area of struggle for him anymore. That's how my addictions, strongholds, unhealthy habits, whatever you want to call them have been lifted. God's abundant grace has virtually erased these past oppressions for me and there was little asked of me... nothing like what I think this journey beholds for me to give. This sin of mine is different as in... I am going to have to be on alert and obedient 24/7. I don't think I have ever had to be responsible (solely responsible) for my actions. I went from childhood to adulthood under the support and protection of my Dad and from there, straight to the same in my marriage. I have had jobs but never sole responsibility for own well being or "not so well" being.
What I do know... God has me right where He wants me. I am still very shut down spiritually and emotionally but I know each day brings new opportunities for me to take steps toward change. This may be the first time God is requiring something of me to bless me with full restoration. So, step by step I am learning to praise Him even when I know know why... just thank Him honestly and continue seeking a relationship with Him and this time, I am listening... He has my full attention.
Thank you God for being so faithful in your love even when I am not faithful in mine. You do not leave your children the same for long. You are constantly growing and stretching us to be more like Jesus and even when we say "no"... you love us enough to throw us to face the fire on our own. Your timing is perfect and your ways are right, help me to engrave your word on my heart so that the knowledge in my head is congruent to the ways of my heart. create in me a resolve to join you in victory. Teach me Father, how to be the child you see in me.
In the mighty name of Jesus I pray, Amen
Today God's revelation to me was this, in all of my past addictions, hurts or habits... I was delivered from them. For example, today a man gave his testimony about how God just took his stronghold and it was not a major area of struggle for him anymore. That's how my addictions, strongholds, unhealthy habits, whatever you want to call them have been lifted. God's abundant grace has virtually erased these past oppressions for me and there was little asked of me... nothing like what I think this journey beholds for me to give. This sin of mine is different as in... I am going to have to be on alert and obedient 24/7. I don't think I have ever had to be responsible (solely responsible) for my actions. I went from childhood to adulthood under the support and protection of my Dad and from there, straight to the same in my marriage. I have had jobs but never sole responsibility for own well being or "not so well" being.
What I do know... God has me right where He wants me. I am still very shut down spiritually and emotionally but I know each day brings new opportunities for me to take steps toward change. This may be the first time God is requiring something of me to bless me with full restoration. So, step by step I am learning to praise Him even when I know know why... just thank Him honestly and continue seeking a relationship with Him and this time, I am listening... He has my full attention.
Thank you God for being so faithful in your love even when I am not faithful in mine. You do not leave your children the same for long. You are constantly growing and stretching us to be more like Jesus and even when we say "no"... you love us enough to throw us to face the fire on our own. Your timing is perfect and your ways are right, help me to engrave your word on my heart so that the knowledge in my head is congruent to the ways of my heart. create in me a resolve to join you in victory. Teach me Father, how to be the child you see in me.
In the mighty name of Jesus I pray, Amen
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