Moment of impact

Life is ear marked with moments of impact. Moments that for good or for bad change and imprint on our DNA, sewn into the very fibers that knit us together. Being a mother there are now three moments of impact that I know....I boldly called out to God and He answered me with a compassion that I know only He could have.

The first Moment of impact, A normal day with an 11 year old, a seven year old and a 3 month old. It was summer and although I could not play outside my two oldest had ventured out with a bike our Golden Max and wild laughter. Honestly, I was grateful for the few minutes of peace that would soon be upon me. Eli was asleep in his chair and I was talking to my husband on the phone at work because frankly, I needed some adult conversation. In mid conversation, the door swung open and my 7 year old daughter ran in and screamed, He's dead! Mom, I think Zachary is dead! She was close to hysterics and me feeling the full moment of impact, I took a breath, dropped the phone and said, Cassie, you watch Eli and STAY HERE!
I ran outside to the highest point overlooking the neighborhood and yelled, Zachary!...there was no answer just a deafening silence and in what seemed like minutes, God and I had a conversation where He listened and I poured out...I went to His feet and sobbed..."God, I can't go on from here if you allow this, I know you don't give us more than we can handle but, I won't"....in that moment I was a little more horrified at my words...my faith had a limit. I was desperate. I yelled again...Zachary! ... this time with desperation and trying to be audible between weeps...Then after a long pause, I heard him! It was a faint, "I'm here" and in that moment, I knew that I had called and God heard me.  Although, I am ashamed of my weakness, He heard the cries of my breaking heart and had compassion on me.

Zach had been riding the bike and had the leash wrapped around the handlebars walking Max and was paying more attention to Max than where he was going. He didn't see the gardening trailer in his path and collided with it. He had hit it full force and was knocked out cold unconscious. By all means that impact could have been a fatal blow but, only by God's ever-loving grace was he basically unscathed. He even played in a football game just days later.

The next two are yet to come....

You need to hear this

What if we never got to witness the awe-inspiring feats of he human spirit. What if no one ever listened to that small voice inside that says, "yes, you were created for this".  What if we all lived out of our fear? Can you imagine what the world would be like? We would never be in awe, amazed nor inspired by what wonderful gifts and talents people have because no one would be using them to futher the kingdom of God.

There is a song and a few of the words say, "...all I know is I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus, this is not where I belong..." (btw: building429's song)

I love this song because I know there is a place where I am meant to be that is much bigger than this small broken world. At times, I can't wait to see what is on the other side and then at other times I kinda wanna stick around and see what happens in the lives of my loved ones here...Do not misunderstand me, I am not going anywhere on my own. God is going to call me home in His time and that is just fine with me.

What I am talking about is that deep down giddy, excitement...uhm, a joyfiul knowledge (trying to find words to describe it) that there is more to life than what I am living now. I know that I have a God-breathed purpose and I am here to be used by God to help make heaven a very crowded place....However, I can also look ahead and be excited for the "more" in the hereafter.

We have the opportunity to witness glimpses of what (I think) is going to be everyday in heaven, in the awe inspiring, bold, steadfastness of God's people living out God's design in their life right here on this earth. I want to walk in that in my life. I need to do what I was created to do otherwise I am unfullfilled and searching. My gift? I think that it is communication. I love to share, listen and walk together with people. Am I perfect? will I fail and dissappoint? Yes, however I am not supposed to be perfect, I am supposed to stretch and grow up with all those I encounter (not age wise God wise), that is my job as I know it.

So when I get sad, or beaten down I remember that I am not just here waiting, a mistake or a product of my environment. I am a chosen child of God that was individually knit together for a purpose bigger than just me. I remember the words to that song and I smile. I don't know more than anybody else, I have a job here and I am happy with the wonderful life God has led me to, I am beyond blessed. However, I know that there is even more that awaits me!

"If we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves." Thomas A. Edison Thomas A. Edison

"If we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves."

Thomas A. Edison

This quote reminds me of the fact that we all have a common thread. We all at one time or another are stunted in our growth. We are either too scared to move forward, fear the unknown, fear failure or just don't take the next step to grow.  We are told over and over that in Christ we have all the power and abilities of Christ within us. Why do we live as though "one person can not change the world"? Jesus was one person and he changed everything in this world and the next. 

When Jesus calls, do you listen every time? I am ashamed to say that many times I have hushed that small but, unmistakable voice inside because of fear or inconvenience. I hate to think of the opportunities that I have missed because of my fear and stubbornness. 
The God that created the earth and all of its beauty and wonder created you and I. He personally knit us in our Mothers womb! Would He do all that for a mediocre life? No, I do not believe so. I believe that God created each one of us for God-breathed purpose and that purpose is inside us waiting to come out. That is why we search, we search to find it. Some search outside in a bottle, some search in people some search for it in acquiring stuff. Some people will settle for that little ache that pangs when you get close but, will never step out to achieve it.
Have you ever been drawn to someone that you see and, just know that, beyond a shadow of a doubt that that is what they are supposed to be doing in life...they kind of shine. It doesn't have to be on TV, in a magazine on the radio or on the big screen. Just that daily inspiration, doing what isn't work because they were called to it. I don't know about you but, I want that! 
If we did listen and follow whatever it is that is knit in our very fiber what would that look like?


Are you stunted? are you stuck and you actively ignoring that pull out of fear? Edison was absolutely correct, "if we did the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves". I believe that all it takes it a step out of the box and into your purpose. I think I am taking mine...what about you?

I am not who I once was

You know there is a song that states "I wish that you could see me now cause I'm not who I was", and I just love to sing along with it because I am so thankful that I am not who I once was. I am changed.

Was I a horrible person, nope. I was a broken and sad person looking to fill an abyss of lonliness and self-pity . I had no hope and no way to process life, no ability to make good decisions and I lived by what I felt.

Today I can say that ,while I want to keep that season of my life close by, I can always be reminded of where I once was. I am so thankful that I have a God that wept with me when I was lost and pursued me intensely until I could hear His voice. A God that loves me enough to let me choose and also to let me suffer my own consequences. A God that does not promise a life without brokenness or pain but, a promise that whatever may come, He will not leave. In fact He will use it for our good IF we allow it.

Yes, I am so full of joy with every breath I take that I am not who I once was cause I like me now. I am not perfect, I sin, I disappoint and I fail but, now I know that there is more to my story than that.

Has it really been THAT long?

It all started over a fooseball table.....

I'm in college just looking for the next party, barely making the grade (if at all). I was just waiting, waiting for something and then...
Some of my friends say, "let's go to the beach over Easter break". That is totally cool with me cause I'm game for whatever whenever and most definately anything at the beach. It turns out thata large group of others are going too and we headed over to the student center to meet up with them. I don't remember who was doing the introducing but, I do remember "THE GUY". I didn't predict he was my going to be my soulmate or get a bolt of lighting but, something subtle and different came through me as I looked up over the foseball table at his big blue eyes. It was almost like, just for that mili-second, everything slowed down, anyway, the meeting left a mark on me. How was I to know that at that moment I had met the one God was going to use to teach me who He was.
The boy I met, he was not so innocent, not preachy, really smart and not offensive. However, he was subtle, disciplined, strong, faithful and trustworthy. Hmmm, trustworthy....wow, that word is something I just didn't do and certainly wasn't worthy of. It would take me many years to truly know and live the meaning of that word. However, that boy I met over the Fooseball table....God would use him to unravel the meaning so that I could learn to trust and be trusted.

The next day was departure day and I was riding with a different boy, someone who was fake and being quite a jerk so about halfway to the beach we stopped for gas and I jumped into a little red Nissan pick up truck. I smiled and said , "can I ride with you"? There was not much of a choice since I was already making myself comfortable squishing in with the two that were already in the seat. We didn't know it but, this would be the beginning of eternity for us.
Once at the beach and seeing the "BEACH HOUSE" we were going to be staying in was actually a trailer with no water and no where near the beach, we were almost out of luck but, thank goodness for my trusty American Express card! We did get a room right on the beach and I think we had 7 people crammed in one room. That boy and I, we stayed  close for the majority of the trip, just hanging out and talking. We talked about music, sports, family and life. By the time the trip was ending I think we were both invested in hoping there would be something more between us.
More there was, over the next few years we would be dating, married, have our first child and starting out on our journey together as a family. All this time, God was using my husband in a might way. He taught me that there was more for me and I was not OK however, I would be, I could be...IF I chose to be.
There is way too much in the many lessons that I learned through my husbands charcter, unconditional love and faith to say in this small glimpse. My point is, you never know who you are influencing by the way you choose to live, what you choose to share or living a life of encouragement.
Encouragement is what finally spoke to my heart and began my search for more. He didn't know what God was doing through him and he didn't do it on purpose. It was just him allowing me to see glimpses of God in him. I want to be that for my kids, my mom, all those who don't know that there is more.
My prayer is that through those God given glimpses and on to many, many more glimpses will be seen for others to know and live on through the generations to come.

Setting Fires

It has been a reoccurring theme to me for the past few weeks that God has such a perfect plan for us and we, more often than not, miss it all together.

Why do we wait, talk our selves out of, or sit when our heart is screaming for us to stand? Have you ever heard the phrase that, "You were created for such a time as this"? This comes from scripture, it's about a girl that is thrust into a situation she was not prepared for but she chose to stand up and lay it all on the line, she was "all in" as they say these days. She was all in and she was resolved to (good, bad, or indifferent) see it through. Little did she know that her choice to stand up when she had every reason in the world to sit, would save a nation. She was a fire setter, no she did not set out to inspire or capture fame. She made her choice on what she knew was right in her heart and that began a journey that would inspire generations to stand up in the face of any adversary, her name was Esther.

I believe that God calls us to the extraordinary everyday and it is our choice to hear it and either obey or pass up the opportunity of a lifetime. God has such a perfect plan here, He calls one to stand up in faith and others are inspired (sparked) by that and hopefully will set in place a domino effect. Passion, inspiration, strength, courage, joy are all things we want and when you see it in others in any circumstance it says, "there is more than this...you were created for more. You and I were created for a purpose, it might be huge like Esther or it might be something you think only you see...whatever it is, you always have a choice to stand or sit.

A girl who should be care free and healthy. She is an athlete but, is riddled everyday with pain and discomfort that no one sees but, she chooses to live life out loud in spite of her struggle. She has determination and drive that supersedes all that ales her. It's a beautiful thing.

A wife who is standing up and encouraging all who will hear in the face of the chronic and painful illness of her husband. Instead of why, I see thanks, faith, love, courage and strength. In a situation that it would be easy to give in and give up, lay down and focus on the whys, she stands in adoration and joy- the kind of Joy you can have amidst the pain.

These are fire setters.... so, back to my initial question. How many times have you hushed that voice that calls for you to stand up? How many times have you talked yourself out of something because of fear? How many times have you missed the blessing of being a fire setter?

I have too many to count and I am more ashamed now that I am actually thinking about it. I am tired of it,  I see my kids starting to sit when I know they are called to stand! I see my influence on others, how can I expect any more of you than what I am willing to do, risk and rely on my faith to accomplish?

What if we set those fires? What if we never hushed that voice that calls us to do more, step out and to stand alone? What would our world look like? What would your life look like?

In that Moment

Is there a moment of spiritual awakening in the midst of addiction that can instantly infuse a wisdom or a knowledge that changes a person to the point of the healing of addiction?

My story

Without a bunch of obvious needless detail, I spent my years from 13 to 16 deep into the chaotic world of addiction. My thinking was to dull the pain and thus the vicious cycle of guilt begins (pain-drugs-guilt/self hate-more drugs and repeat..) I just did not care one way or another, I mean I wasn't trying to kill myself I just didn't care, what happened to me. I thought I was fearless when indeed, I was in fear of everything. I was scared to live and I was scared to die. I had no hope.
In December of my 16th year, my parents had just about had enough and sent me to rehab. I remember thinking, "whew, now I can finally stop". I know without a doubt that I would be dead if that decision was not made at that time. I learned so much in that 12 months. I learned about responsibility, self respect, respecting others, how to be a healthy functioning friend/family member and I learned to care about someone beside my self.. However, when I was released from rehab I relapsed (many times). I went to boarding school and still continued to use drugs through college. I knew everything I needed to, I knew why I was using, I knew my support systems were available and I knew what I was doing but, even in all of the love and education I had while I was in rehab, I still had no hope.
Fast forward, I am married I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband. In fact, I say wonderful husband because God used him to save my life. I am working as a waitress/bartender, we are going to church - I am actually saved-but, I still don't have hope, my heart is not changed. (I am going to say this because I don't know the answer) some would say that I was not saved based on my last statement however, I had no doubt whatsoever that there was a God and that Jesus was real...I just didn't believe he would have died for me.
Ok, one night about 2am I was driving home after sitting at the bar for an hour after we closed with all my co-workers. I was on a two lane, unlit, curvy road and BOOM! I hit the curb and blew two of my tires. I stopped the car on a curve, which was horribly dangerous but, I wasn't really thinking about that. I get out cussing up a storm and start preparing to change a tire when I just stopped. I heard something in all the fog  that caught my attention. What I heard was a voice, He said, "how long? How long do I have to watch you self destruct like this?"
The voice was as so sad, it was as sad as I felt. I honestly did not think there was anyone or anything that could know the vast emptiness that harbored all of my pain. He said "choose. Choose now...life or death."
For the first time in my life, I wanted to live! Live, live I want to LIVE. In that instant my heart was changed forever. I have never had any doubt that my experience on that road was real.
When you hear that God will meet you where you are...they are not kidding. I was literally standing in a street gutter, drunk, crying and cursing. Can you imagine? The grace of our Almighty God came and occupied that gutter to retrieve his child, I still can hardly take it in.
Now, after this experience it all began to come together; the rehab knowledge, Gods love and hope intertwined and I became stronger. For me, there was a moment of awakening, although it didn't all come full circle in that moment, my heart was finally full circle.
I had a lot of work to do I was still very broken but God was binding up my broken heart and wow! just WOW, I am daily amazed at the work He has, is and will continue to do in my heart.

So, I am gonna say yes, I believe with all my heart that there can be a moment that instantly strikes us with the hope that drives us towards God and in that towards healing. Will it look the same in each one of us? No, but the facts are the same He is the only healer of the soul!

Who would be grateful for something like that?

It is amazing and beautiful when I get to witness the absolute glory of God in the life of another.

You may or may not know that my father in law has been struggling with cancer for about 14 months now. Actually during this time, everything that could go wrong....well, it has gone wrong- terribly wrong.

In his last visit to the oncologist, she basically said, "this is as good as it gets for you now". In that few minutes with the doctor, every hope and future plan was canceled out by her cold and matter-of-fact words. His passion and will to play the game of golf again was taken, his hopes of travel and leisure, in this his time of  retirement, were corrupted and his mind began to believe the lie that, "this is as good as it gets".

It would be easy to end here and more stories than not sadly, do. However, this one...it goes on.

So, in trying to find an answer for the pain he met with a surgeon. In another "matter-of-fact conversation" amputation was suggested. Amputation! Oh, my goodness, no way what will we do? O, the Horror- kind of thoughts crossed my mind....but, not his.

Who would be grateful for something like that? Tom would. It was the re-creating of his hopes and future. It was knowledge that there was so much more for him and in that instant, the lie was shattered.

God's ever-loving plan had changed everything. Tom is doing just fine- better than fine- without his right leg. And his spirits? Not in at least the last 14 months have I heard of him with such true joy. He is pain-free and has a new lease on life. Come what may, we know that God's glory is always shining in you, me and all around us.

So, who could be thankful and blessed by an amputation? I can, my husband can, my mother in law can...we all can because today....it is the gift of seeing God's hand and the blessing of unlimited physical freedom in an unlikely answer.

In our infirmities, when we are weak, desperate and almost giving up....God's glory is our strength. The strength to embrace the loss of an extremity. The strength to overcome any obsticle placed on our path, the strength to face death and chose to live.

Do not forget to see the glory of God everyday, in the simple, in the painful, in the storms and in the obvious. Don't miss the blessings He has for you new every morning and don't wait to do what you know you were created for...we are not guarnteed time beyond this very word....embrace that, "there is so much more for you than this!"

Storms

Today as we drove to church the sky revealed a most awesome storm front rolling in. It was like God had taken the sky and folded it back, divided it, the sunny skies from the dark ominous storm clouds that were quickly approaching. It was just beautiful. -wish I was a photographer because that would have been a great picture.
Anyway, we sang a song today in church that says, "I will be still and know you are God" then I learned that "I will be still" in the Greek means: to quit scampering about. This began to bring the morning together for me as I stood there very thankful that I could honestly sing those words as well as do them. I mean there are some words I find that I can't sing because I know I can not or have not yet mastered the faith to do the action so -I tend to cry out for the faith to do so instead of sing them. However, today I was so thankful that I can be still and know that: in my daughters storm, or my Husbands pain, or my mothers struggle and even in a loved one's cancer....I can be still and know He is God. To me, that speaks to my heart..."Do not fear for I am with you". Today that is enough for me. I can pray, I can seek God's healing and peace but, I do not have to be overcome with worry. I am not controlled by my circumstances, my control lies with my God.
Once upon a time, my heart and mind did not know that I could just be still and know....I was in perpetual turmoil due to the circumstances that surrounded me. I did not know how to trust God. Now, He has revealed Himself to me, pursued me, grown and stretched me, healed me and most definitely put my feet on a solid ground. Today, I lay it all down and know that I can be still and know that He is God.
If you are reading this and caught up in your own storm that has you completely wrapped up. All I can do is tell you what happened to me. I had to learn that when I was scared, angry, upset, disappointed or whatever....I had to talk to God about it.
For example, one of my biggest struggles was that I just could not stand this particular person, I really just tensed up and was overtaken with "dislike" when I was in their presence. It became almost obsessive for me I worried about if they would be at the same place as I, I made my commitments dependent on if that person would be involved or not, it ( I ) was crazy. It was not until I became "still", took it to God and prayed about it that I realized it was MY problem.  It had very little to do with all I made it up to be in my mind, it was about me. God stayed with me and I even began to pray for that person. It was less genuine at first but, grew into authentic heartfelt prayer and you know what, God took that and made it a wonderful victory in my life.
That is a kind of lame example but, no matter what it is.... He may not remove the thorn but, He will use it to grow and stretch you if you allow it.

I am not YOU ARE

You are the master creator, Alpha and Omega, my redeemer, restorer and the lover of my soul. You are ever present and always with me. You come to hold me when I am sad, you discipline me when I have gone astray and you know me from the very fibers you knit me together with in the womb. You were there in my pain and you are there in my healing. You set the timing for all of it.
Lord today, I fear. I am scared and although I know you are there and working ahead for your purpose, I am scared. I know you, I have seen your hand print on my life consistently and I feel you near to me- I still fear. I trust you and I have seen the glory you can make out of a disaster. I have seen you allow miracles around me and still I fear.
So today, I will say I am not....but, YOU ARE! I will praise you in my fear and I will believe that your plan is in the works and I will trust what I know is true, I am not but, YOU are the I AM.

The Cable Guy

Colossians 4:2 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.

Today the cable guys were here doing more work than they had planned on or expected. I tried to keep them hydrated and as comfortable as possible and chatted just a bit with both of them. One of them made a comment to me that really made me think. He said, “You sure are accommodating, much more than what I am used to, it seems like people these days are grumpier than when I first began doing this”. I replied, “I guess it is our modern day society, people have been spoiled, they want it fast and if they have to wait at all it is considered an inconvenience”.

Wow, this really brought home how we expect everything to be fast and easy. Look at our marriage/divorce rates, our investment in convenience foods, faster phones, faster computers, facebook – you can announce anything immediately and saturate your friends circle moments after anything exciting happens  (we instantly share our lives).

Today, I was not in a hurry, I did not care to wait in fact, I was grateful that they were invested in their jobs enough to do the work right since it was “lacking” from the previous cable guy. I anticipate that the end result will be proper working Internet, phones and cable TV. Therefore, I am willing to wait patiently.

Aren’t the best things in life worth waiting for? We wait 9 months for a precious baby, we wait (usually) to plan a wedding and the Honeymoon, we wait and prepare for a job, we wait for those things that matter. Why can we not wait patiently? Like in our prayer life, can you honestly say you wait patiently in you prayer life? I can not, I have learned where and when to take my life happenings, wants and needs to the Lord but, waiting on Him is a skill that I have still not a mastered.

Much like the cable guy experienced, I seem to be consistently impatient when it comes to waiting on God to lead me in whichever path is right. I tend to go before and sometimes I pick the right path but, I miss the blessing of peace because I have gone on before and am a nervous wreck because I have gone out on  my  own  instead of waiting on the master technician to show me how to do the job right.

So, maybe next time you (I) - we find ourselves in a tizzy because we have not waited steadfast in our prayer lives and are riddled with doubt and wonder how did we get here? ….remember the cable guy, stop, pray and wait.

Just breathe and be patient. Nothing He has planned for us will pass us by if we are praying in His will, being obedient and waiting faithfully. In HIS time we will get the job done, right and without being riddled with doubt for His glory not ours. Doesn’t that sound so much better than the original scenario? I think so!

Mosaic

So it occurred to me today that I needed to write about the beautiful Masterpiece that God designs in all of His children.

Good, bad and indifferent all of the people we meet, love and encounter in our lives leave a piece of that experience with us. Every choice we make, word we say, all of it contributes to the work of art that is being sculpted and refined in us by the very hand of God.
I have learned that even the horrible things, that are almost void of any trace of God are also, part of the masterpiece. The moutain-top successes are part of it and even the things we miss and just walk on by missing the blessing, they all contribute to who we are.

I have seen it in my own life as well as I am seeing it vividly in the life of my daughter. She has an natural athletic ability that was becoming her identity throughout middle school. When she started High school something began to happen, she started having breathing problems to the point that she could no longer play soccer safely, a true passion and love of hers. It was shattering to her and very painful to watch. However, in all of this I began to see a lions heart emerge. This was not just an athlete's heart but, a heart that would not give up or give in, no matter the cost. It is year two of high school coming to a close and I could not be prouder of her and the way she has taken the bad and used it as fuel. The beautiful masterpiece is visible and I am in awe of what God can take and use to make us His work of art.

So, remember.... all of it, no matter what it may be, is used for good and will be on exhibit everyday in your life's mosaic.

we are unwritten

I learn many things from being a mother. God has used my children to tech me so much about being selfless, unconditional love and letting go. The latter is the hardest and the most inspiring thing that I have had to experience.
My husband and I used to tell my oldest son, when he was in trouble and being disciplined, that we were "packing his suitcase".  That means that we were trying to instill in him the characteristics that we thought he needed to have "packed" for the day he left home and forged a path out on his own.
I admit, we had plans for our son. We had dreams and expectations for him that were birthed the moment we knew he was going to be. Through middle school all was on track but, then something began to happen, his hopes, his dreams and his plans were not the same as ours.
Well, that was a shocker...we had it all planned out, nice clean cut and pain free. I have to chuckle now, cause my life wasn't like that and I don't know anyone who lives their life happily in someone else's plans and dreams. We thought we had it all planned best-cut, dry, no issues.
This wasn't a bad thing, it was not that he wasn't living up to our dreams or that he was disappointing us...it was not God's plan for him. Our hopes and dreams were ours, not his. That was one of the hardest things that I had to accept.  I had learn to let go so he could grow, learn and make his own way.
We did "pack his suitcase" with wonderful traits that are obvious in his life and although he chooses differently than I would (the 2nd time around-hindsight is 20/20), he is growing, and finding his way.
I guess as a parent, that is what I want in all of my children. I still hope, pray and dream for them but, now my dreams are wide open, the possibilities endless and my expectations? My expectations are that they find their passion and use that to change the world. Sounds too big and like failure ready to happen? They can not fail if they live in what they know is truth and stay connected to their Father in heaven. Will their be failure, disappointment, pain and discouragement? Yes, there absolutely will be all of those things, However, without the bad we would not know the good, success, inspiration and peace. The rest of the story... it's their story. I have my story and you have yours, we are all still unwritten, nothing in stone and no limits.

Wherever they go, whatever path they choose may they always know that they are not alone. When I let them down, hurt or disappoint them may they know there is always someone there for them that will never fail them.
Dear Father in heaven protect their eyes, their hearts and their minds from all of the distractions that will steal from their heart, lie to them and confuse them. May they have the truth of who they are in you written on their hearts forever, never to be erased or forgotten.
Use them and use me, help me to foster their passions and God breathed purpose. Help me to be the mother that you created me to be so, they can be all that you created them to be. Thank you for the honor and privilege to have such the enormous blessing of being called Mom.
I am temporary, you are eternal they are yours do in them what is your will.

Encouragement for the day

So, my day was anointed-I guess if you are more purposeful and focused than I, then everyday is anointed. However, for me....I am coming out of a dessert place named LoDubar in my heart and God declared me fair game today.  I am kind of excited because, I know my Father -and if He is anything, He is purposeful.
Part of my desert place relocation has been disobedience and part lost purpose. God really does have a sense of humor. The lengths He will go to to regain our attention are endless but, when He is so obvious and almost going "ha ha told you so...." It's a bit more personal.

I have known for a very long time that I am to share all that God has done to teach, refine,  restore and create in me for His glory. However, I have been cloudy as to what that looks like so, I have not  done  much to  be obedient  to that  purpose.  Really, I know that I am not  the only one he is  doing such works in (I see the inspiring miracles of His touch everyday) but, I do know I am called to "shout from the rooftops what He whispers in my ear". I think, maybe some of what I communicate can  help someone not feel as alone and encourage them to keep seeking.

So, my first very scary step was to make my blog public (I did years ago) but, only to the unknown and the few people that my very sneaky but, always supportive husband leaked the link to. So, just recently I published a link on my FB page. Oh, how anxious I was, so fearful that people would judge me or criticize me. Then I just put it in perspective....it is NOT ABOUT ME! That truth was so freeing!

There is so much truth out  there but, our biggest disease as people is...we believe the lies first. I have wasted so much time believing that I have nothing to say and that I am not worthy to share. God says, I have am worthy and calls me to share not MY story but His story in me. It changes the whole perspective when you take "you" out of it and make it His.

No matter what it is, fear can corrode our passion if we continue to be victims of the lies and waste precious time being stagnate. A dear friend passed on this quote to me "anyone can die, it takes courage to live". I believe that with all my heart, I know that we have instances of the most courageous and harrowing deaths and I can not ignore that it takes some courage to die with grace but, can't we LIVE courageous and harrowing also?

Do not let fear or lies rob you of your passion and your purpose. LIVE the life you deserve and share who you are, what you love and your dreams. We need a world full of passionate people fighting for the good things. Won't you step out and help inspire others to live harrowing and courageous lives too?



  

where the fight is

I used to have paralyzing night terrors from the time I was a small child through my late 20's to early 30's.  I could blame it on the horror movies I watched as a child or any number of thing that we face day to day but, the truth is that our enemy, as children of God, is willing to do anything to cripple us and bind us so that we are less effective in our God breathed purpose.
It took me years to find the answer to calm my fear. The answer came through a book "Victory over the darkness". All I had to learn to do was call on Jesus. First I began to try to just think the name of Jesus and it would help but, my fear would soon return.  I quickly learned where the real power was...saying his name out loud so the enemy knew I was a child of the reigning King of Kings. Now, I had the knowledge that even evil trembles at the mention of His name. So, when fear pierced my heart and took over my thoughts... I learned to utter the name of Jesus out loud. I then was able to pray through it and now I can stand up and proclaim the name of Christ and ask God to expel anything not of him and to protect our homes our minds and our hearts from the enemies attacks. I never understood the reason for the torment.....
Unfortunately today, my children also struggle with night terrors. However, by the grace of God it has been my blessing to not only teach but, to model my faith by sharing my story with them and together we pray, praise and celebrate that when we are faced with fear...we know that we win! Being saved we have the power of Jesus Christ in us and in that....there is no fear.
So my friends, we need to take seriously the fact that we are being attacked. Just because you ignore it or deny it doesn't mean it isn't happening. Oblivion is not going to protect you from attacks on your heart,  your mind, your marriage or you children. Only your faith and knowledge in God will be your weapons but first, you have to acknowledge that you are in a battle then be the warrior that being God's child requires.
....The reason I believe God allowed and still does allow the torment? It's the only way He could teach me and make me truely understand the power that is in me just by uttering the name of Jesus. O, how He is in the intricate details!

Focus and Joy

So, it has come to my attention in daily conversations and in the back of my mind lately, just how many times we miss the joy that is ours there for the taking. I have wasted so much time being "distracted" by things in my past. Through it all I have actually learned and few things so far.  In my years on this earth (and in yours too, I am sure), I have had many trials, losses and painful events take place that nearly destroyed me. For so ling, I held on to my feelings connected to those past events.  Those "feelings" controlled my ability to invest in my life opportunities and experiences.  Those "feelings" became my knowledge and I was making my decisions and planning my days around my feelings. I had days when nothing happened, no drama, no joy, just a day.... I was not capable of joy. I could not devote my complete focus to anything, even the things I was most passionate about. I was not able to follow through on anything because of my distracted and fragmented state of mind.
So, the difference between then and now? The difference is I know my living, loving Savior.  He brought forgiveness and peace to my mind and heart. He healed those wounds and I began to unknowingly have the ability and blessing of investing all of me, on a daily basis. I am began to realized that I was not so burned out, drained and that I could now actively participate and be present in my opportunities and life experiences.
My marriage...it has always been the most stable thing about me and now.... wow, it is even better and stronger.  Is it perfect? No, but absolutely the one thing that I thank God for Daily (in the good and in the tough).
Another thing that changes with freedom from past pain is focus. Now, I am able to start, follow through and complete tasks, goals and projects.  I have found that if I keep my focus on God and my relationship with Him, all else falls into place in the way it should.  Is it all easy, good and without failure? No, but it is all useful and needed to help me be a better person willing and able to pass on anything of value to others.
Before I accepted Christ, my focus was on my present circumstances. After Christ, I can be present in my daily circumstances not focused by them.

any way you say it, it means the same thing....

OK, so my husband is a reader and most of that reading happens in bed just before we turn out the lights. Last night he was sharing what he was reading with me, which he often does and I like because I am not a big reader myself.  The book he is reading....way over my head, it has huge words and says things like metaphysical and it is about quantum physics. Did I mention that the material was way over my head?
Anyway, what he was reading was like a lullaby to me but, I listened intently and understood the meaning of what the author was saying!  Basically-loosely translated....it was saying that until we take all the negative in our lives and make peace with it we will be out of balance.To every negative there must be a positive. This is so true! God doesn't let anything through his hands into our lives that he can not use for good. Nothing! NOT a thing, no slipping through the cracks, no mistakes. EVERYTHING that is brought to us God intends to bring us through for His glory. So whether you say it in complicated terms or just plain broken english it's the same.
We are not able to function at our full potential if we are distracted by our past. Pain, bitterness, bondage and emotional crippling can take over and we loose our focus.
The book stated a lot of things that there is no way I could ever quote verbatum but, the meaning....it was healing so you can reach your full potential. So, no matter how you choose to say it, it was all the same to me, a good word I needed to hear! :D

bursting the bubble

So I did it, I burst a huge bubble for our youngest child last Thursday afternoon....I told him that now that he was 10 (for only 8 days, I will have you know) he needed to know that, "there was no Easter Bunny - that was not what Easter was about". Really, just about those exact words...I caught him completely off guard and blew the nice safe Easter Bunny bubble right out of existence.
Now, while I do believe that he is old enough to focus on the REAL gift of Easter. In hind sight, I think I could have handled it better.
There really was no need for the out of the blue- shock, I could have had a conversation with him and eased into it but, I didn't take that route. Luckily, he did not freak out on me and it all went fairly well. He said that he "kinda" knew (meaning someone at school had let the cat out of the bag first) I realized what a bullet I dodged and said a quick prayer Thanking God for gifting me with such a resilient child.
I began to see a parallel between the Easter Bunny fiasco and my prayer life. It just struck me, how often do I just blurt out my thoughts and feelings to God in prayer instead of quieting down and having a conversation with my Father God?  I don"t want to miss the blessings and lessons that He has in store for me because I get into a rush and  forget what a bullet I dodged because He took it for me.
Lest I ever forget what an amazing God I have that loved me so much, it pained him to be forever separated from me. He made a way to be with me forever, if I chose, and HE paid the cost through the holy blood of my Jesus, His son and my redeemer. I hope that I endlessly search for the entire weight of the cross and all it encompasses.

The heart of a Lion

God is remarkable in his individual creation of our spirit. We see it everyday, we watch telethons about it, we see newspaper articles about it, we see expose about it on TV, we pay to watch movies that exploit it and it testifies to our souls that there is still good in this world.
The human spirit to me is that voice inside that encourages us to strive for more, that focus's us and drives us in whatever it is that we are passionate about.
I myself see it daily and often am brought near tears at the sight. In this corrupt world filled with all the crud we are surrounded by I look for the human spirit to arise and reassure me that I am not alone.
I am so blessed to be a mom and see the spirit in my children daily however, it's those times that the unexpected happens that we realize that God took so much creativity and care in knitting together His masterpieces you and I.
My daughter just lived out one of these miraculous times for me in what would seem a usual day. That is it...making the ordinary extraordinary. God knit into my daughter's very being a passion for track. She loves to run and is very competitive. It is absolutely one of the most beautiful things I know, to see someone living out their passion. I am partial, however in this instance, I think we can all appreciate this example of how the human spirit can move us, motivate us and encourage us.
She has been on crutches for 8 days and it has been a long 8 days. She has stood by and watched others step into her place and fill her positions and with each passing day doubt has set in, her spirit...downcast and unsure.
On Tuesday she had the opportunity to run full out for the first time since being on crutches. This was a small meet, not special but, to her it was going to be a defining moment. She stepped on the track again and she ran, if you ask me she flew. She was going to be OK was what was on mind mind, she was definitely back! The second race was one she had determined to prove herself, come what may she was going all out, no holds barred, she had resigned herself to leave it all on the track. It was a hard race and as she received the baton they were behind by 15 or so steps. As she took off it looked grim for us to win as we were following a significant lead. As she started into the first turn we all could see that she was catching up. There was hope still alive in this race. she did, she caught up and was neck to neck with the competitor and then as she crossed the finish line she fell. It was horrible to see and for a millisecond  she was motionless. It was one of the scariest moments I have endured as a mom. She was skinned from her temple to her shoulder to her arm, wrists, elbow, thigh, knee just all the way down her body. She was kind of like a drunk person that wants to drive....she kept saying I am alright trying to walk away but, her legs were useless. I believe that she had expelled so much energy that her body just hit empty.
Well, Cassie recovered and went on to run another race still bleeding from the fall. Nobody would have expected her to run, in fact it would have been perfectly acceptable for her to skip the race and go home to tend to her injuries. Instead when faced with the decision she sucked it up, pulled herself together and won her heat in her last race.
I can't tell you how that example of the human spirit testified to my heart in the midst of an ordinary track meet. To many they have told her that they admire her heart and courage and to some they totally missed it, some probably think it was humiliating...to me it makes me more thankful that God is so intricate in His design of His children and how we see His beauty in others everyday.

Things to pass on

It has taken me a lot of thought to come up with my number one can not do without, information to pass on. Just for the record, it may change but so far this is what has proven to completely encroach on absolutely everything if left to fester.
Forgivness...unforgivness will lead to hate, bitterness and will seep into everything you do, plan, love and into your heart. It is a conscious choice we have to make, either to forgive or not to forgive. We fool ourselves into thinking that holding a grudge, punishing the wrong doer, or ignoring the elephant in the room will give us a FEELING of satisfaction.  Our FEELING should not lead our choices the truth of God that we know in our minds should lead our steps. We fall into the enemies trap when we start living by feelings alone. This feeling we can get of "satisfaction", is short lived and is, in fact, a wolf in sheep's clothing, so to speak.  Harboring ill feelings, animosity, or the past against someone will only bind, rob and destroy you in the long run.
In the word are  we are, point blank, told to forgive as we were forgiven period, that's it- no if's and or buts about it. Over the years I have grown to see that God doesn't ask this of us just out of obedience but also because it is the absolute best option for us. Forgiveness allows us to live in the freedom that is our for the taking. So, forgive for your freedom and let God use you in remarkable ways!